Creation Shows Me What To Do

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You Hit Me Like A Tidal Wave

The name is Mell. You know I don't care what you think of me.
But, please be considerate and respect whatever I have to say.
At least, leave your name before you go. :)

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Saturday, February 28, 2009

Friday, February 27, 2009

well.. truth hurts which leads to sorrow and again, leading to depression.. and apparently, mine stopped at sorrow which is a good thing though.. it's faster for me to recover back.. cos' yes people i know.. it's not even worth it.. i cried b'cos sadly, some people don't like seeing me with you.. i guess karma's acting right now.. oh whadever..

cos' you'd rather keep a slut than a bitch.. which sadly to say, you're still not over the slut.. who forced you to move on but don't hesitate to go back.. weird but yes it is happening.. let me count how many times you guys slept together behind my back..

recounting..............



on our 1st month..
days before v. day..
eve of v. day..
bla bla bla..
bla bla bla..
bla bla bla..
and even on my birthday..


seriously, it's uncountable.. i would like to type oud all the occasions but seriously, it's not worth it.. sadly to say again, i've just realise.. you liked to see things on your own perspective which really, doesn't make any sense at all.. i even showed you a picture and withoud any guilty conscience, you think whad you said was a reason.. let me remind you, it wasn't babe.. ((:
it was pieces of my heart falling off.. well, i tried to pick them up slowly and mend it myself cos' all you said was, sorry.. and you think thad was enough.. *haissss

you think sorry was all the word could save this thing.. let me be honest.. no it doesn't.. i saw things which i'm not suppose to see.. i felt things which i'm not suppose to feel.. remember whad you told me about not to change? i didn't but you did.. all i want to know is, why the fcuk do you have to go to this extent? you blamed me for my past mistakes cos' i couldn't make up my mind.. but when i did, this is how you repay? so you take this opportunity to act your revenge on me? you should have said so earlier so i wouldn't be falling for you thad fast.. seems thad i know next to you is not where i belong.. accepting the fact..

i can be the slut but it's a freaking risk.. and i know my thinking is not as shallow as thad slut.. i got myself involved with you.. so i better get myself oud, nice and smoothly.. no i don't cry for sympathy and i don't beg to be sympathise.. i can find my own way home.. thank you..





sorry for the silent prayers a.k.a cries..
i will keep them to myself next time..
and the company was great..
((:

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

wawan you dare tag my blog.. and i will surely, screw you upside down.. no you don't have to tag my blog cos' why? you yourself knew thad you're in deep shit.. anyone got a problem with thad, i welcome you to come and approach me.. don't hesitate puhh-leaseee.. cos' i'm waiting for the right moment for things to happen.. on it's own.. ((:

yes Mr. Syazwan i've got a problem with you.. there's not a need for me to go anonymous on him cos' it's too obvious already.. i'm sorry if i'm being sucha bitch to post your name down here.. you made a mistake, you better own yourself up.. it's either you come clean or i'll hunt you down.. choose wisely if you love yourself thad very much.. you tried to swim the calmed waters but you'll never know whad's in for you.. the thing is you swim, i don't mind.. you swim again, i still don't mind.. but you just have to shout for help and made everything in chaos, which sadly to say, FOR BLOODY NOTHING.. *i don't understand whad i'm trying to say

basically, you tried to test me.. tested me for my patience and etc. well sadly to say again, im oud of it.. so you still want to test? go ahead boy but don't shout for help.. you put yourself in this shit so you jolly well realise the consequences soon before i tell you.. try to at least think of your actions.. so you thought i wouldn't know? even the first time you did it, i already knew about it way before you tell me..





you choose, MONEY OR LIFE! -__-"

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

strawberry HL milk, boosts.. made my night so fat and yummy.. -__-"
tried to keep my head from other things thad happen earlier on.. which i seriously think, not by coincidence.. and again, the expected happened.. im smart.. very smart.. not to praise myself but it's true right Farah? so maybe i hunched about someone not being virgin, i think it's true.. =D

it's not so me to be putting myself in this kind of situation man.. i think i just chose my path wrongly.. quoted by dear Farah, "Mell. You gotta stop going back to your ex'es. __ put you through hell once and there __ goes again". which is kinda true, yes? or maybe i should stop arguing and start listening.. Ayeen would agree to this.. -__-"

but im still standing strong on my own 2 feet.. thanks to anyone who's there with me.. yeaps somehow i managed myself.. emotionless bastard.. thads the name i gave myself.. i was suppose to be crying but instead, i was laughing and enjoying myself.. sick isn't it? 0_0
to fuck with facts.. anyone want facts? fuck yourself in the ass and thads your facts.. kanina be chao chi bai! sorry, not so good with chinese.. and there goes, im angry..

if i ever see you outside.. no, you..not you but you.. seriously, im going to give you a piece of me and am not being hesitant about it.. even if you have your friends around.. i've had enough of your shits to be honest.. if ever, EVER you made the wrong move which sadly to say, AGAIN, pray for your life man.. i don't care if i'm alone cos' i know i'm capable of doing it.. did i just talk craps again? i think i just did.. -__-"

kudos to ryna, anonymous, fir and farah.. and not forgetting mas on the phone.. thanks alot guys..





iloveyou, still..

Mariah Carey - Through The Rain

Friday, February 20, 2009

hello to all the people in the world.. especially to the kind little souls who have kind hearts.. cos' i think it's really time for me to be kind.. or am i not suppose to? -___-"
cos' these things seems like it's been going on for quite sometime and to be honest, im fed up with all of it.. and i mean all of it.. and i really mean it.. fuck your freaking facts man cos' neither of them are true.. how i know? i got my freaking ways so you freaking mind your own business..

let me explain something right now.. yes i'm a changed person indeed.. i am not denying the fact thad i've change but i am denying the fact thad i'm using someone for my own benefits.. WAHH SIAOO BIG WORDS MAN YOU USED! i'm being bold cos' of whad i am right now.. let me explain in details my dear..



i am holding on strong..
i am neither broken for whadever people's saying..
i am being true to myself..
i am not going to let go, even how hard anyone try to break our tie..

not because i have the best dancer.. not because i had a little achievement which i know, i am not capable of doing alone.. and thad's for sure.. people making assumptions, making ridiculous facts just to make them fit into the story.. but in the end, they're at lose cos' whadever their doing are just bullshits.. ((:
these bullshits are not worth to be bothered with.. and honestly, noone ever want to believe it.. cos' why my babies? cos' people, i've heard both sides of the story.. which is why i felt like punching anyone in the face or any part of the body right now.. knowing the other side of the story, is way painful then to hear your own mummy's nagging.. -___-"

all i need is opinions from friends for how i should act next.. whad i need to know.. whad i need to do.. i don't just do things withoud any valid reasons.. well thad depends actually.. HAHAHA! but this is crucial man.. i'm not able to act on my own and neither do i want to make problems way complicated than it is already.. so i confide with some friends whom i trusted so much.. whether or not their close with me, i know their trustworthy.. see.. im using a big word here..



TRUSTWORTHY..

huge uhh.. -__-"

i don't go around and tell people whad im feeling.. well other than my blog.. -__-"
the inside details are still with me.. until i think there's a need for me to confide in someone, then i do.. just like whad i did, last 3 days i suppose.. it was really a heart to heart chat.. no wrong.. a keyboard to keyboard chat.. -__-"
i was all relieved.. i was surprised thad i didn't know quite alot of things.. well not thad surprised cos' i don't really give a fuck about them.. but for me to know about thad, really angered me so bad.. now i know who i can point my finger to.. now i know who to blame.. instead of me being pitiful in everyone eyes, why not i do something about it myself.. true? ((:
it took quite alot of courage to confront my own fears.. my own emotions.. and i did it.. i did it bcos' of you, love.. wait no mushy-mushy! haven't finish bitching yet.. ((:

seriously, these are all minors to even care about.. cos' i don't even care about it.. -__-"
you want to flirt? go.. you want to talk? go.. but a single finger on my partner, next you'll see yourself hanging in a big banyan tree, naked with open sores and red ants crawling around you.. thad you can be pitiful about.. *giggless
and to my partner, but thad doesn't mean you can do anything you want.. im very serious right now.. anything to me but none to anyone oud there.. *i hate this part here -__-"



puhhh-leaseee people change! change for the sake of yourself.. don't do it for anyone else but yourself.. don't be an arrogant freak.. don't think you're all thad cos' noone will ever want to know.. when will all of this stop.. i don't have clue but i hope, soon..

and baby.. all i need you to know now is thad, iloveyou so much.. yes it does takes time for me to loveyou way deeper and i can assure you, the time's coming.. remember how you looked me in the eyes and talked to me about yourself? about your feelings.. i have nothing else to offer to you except for my love and concern for you.. *don't you think it's too much 'you'?
you true, i true.. you lie, i die.. HAHAHAHA! wtff.. and i really need to go..




peacenlove people.. *copyrighted by Fie

Sunday, February 15, 2009

it's been awhile since i've been home.. for so long.. interacting with the family really helped to bond ourselves tighter.. fun and laughter is always there.. yes i can't deny im a homeboy.. -__-"
i would prefer to sit at home seriously.. and waste my time here.. if only i had my own house, which will come in afew years time, it'll just be me, mum, bf and friends.. thad's so cool! =D

okeh back to where i'm suppose to be.. i have such wild imaginations.. i have such wild hunches.. which will lead to even more misunderstanding.. LOL! very the me.. -__-"
but it's true right whadever i imagined? whadever i thought it would be.. it's always true.. well at times i do make mistakes but i do review them.. it has been always people who made problems way complicated.. why can't we just stick to something we have and go with it normally.. some people.. it's either their selfish or just plain ignorant.. * sheeshhhhhh

well maybe i seem to not be doing my job but i got my ways.. you don't have to teach me nor do you have to substitute my place.. if you really have to do thad, why not come over to my motherfucking face and tell me in front of everyone.. and i'll make sure i will not disturb the both of you no more.. but as for now, im still in charge here, if you don't realise.. ((:
i saw whad i had to see.. i felt whad i had to feel.. even if it's not obvious.. i really think i can really be a mother.. -__-"

just tell me whad do the both of you want from me? okeh not really me but the both of us.. you tried so hard to make me see something i would never wanted to see.. but im never affected by whadever thads happening.. so whad's your purpose of everything you're doing then? i just want to know thad.. if you think thad by just saying it will convince me, sorry but you'll have to try harder.. im not at my peak yet.. please stop whadever you're doing now before it gets really nasty.. puhhh-leaseeee..

ANWS, valentine's day was not as grand but it was memorable indeed.. besides the fact i cried in the dark.. -__-"
nopes not bcos of my ex date but due to my current date.. but nothing to worry about.. i've told you.. it's just in my head.. as usual, celebrated with the usuals.. it went really crazy as usual.. with those drunkards.. HAHA! with ain, andreas n fie.. it's just plain fun and crazy.. and i don't know whad's his motive of being there though.. -__-"


iloveyou..
thads all i have to say..

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

like finally.. i got the truth oud by myself.. thanks to a friend.. ((:
i appreciate it alot.. suspicions will always be suspicions.. but nonetheless, they are also being identified as the 'DISGUSTING LOSERS'.. and trying to break up a relationship, is so not my type, puhh-leaseee! you want to know whad he/she said? i shall tell ALL OF YOU.. ((:

Text Received
Date: 08th February 2009
Time: 0718hrs 16secs..
HP No: 91265672

start of text........

Mael nie t_ _ _. I need to clarify something with you. Its too critical that i have to go around and ask ppl for ur no. I hope u dun mind. Aniwae, i wanna ask are u still with m_ _ _ _ _? The reason y i ask u tis is bcos recently and just now he msg me something like i love you and i miss u and kinda shit. N i check with w_ _ _ _ if he received the same and he said yes. And for valentine day he asked me out. But i knw this is just another game of his. I dun wanna be enemies or rivals with u but if u realised he's been doing tis to us since last time. I knw him too well. N history is repeating itself again. I just nd a favour frm u. Ask him to stop all this. He have never change. And also pls watch ur back mael. Dun let him play u arnd. It happened bfore right? Im sorie but hes just a desperate fucker. 5 years with him is enough. Dun go for him for his fame. Cos the fact is he got nothing. Dun get blinded by him. Anything u can get back to me aite. Sry to disturb u.

end of text........

yes people i typed it oud, EXACTLY like how thad person texted me.. i know very mat sanggup.. i don't have a clue for who this person is but im sure he/she is up to no good.. you try to destroy my life, i'll destroy yours.. i vaguely know the person but no use jumping to conclusion.. it'll just be another confusion.. -__-"


i'm sorry for jumping to conclusions.. i shouldn't have done it.. ):
and for thad, i deeply apologise to you.. you forgive me right?
iloveyou.
and with thad, marks the end of today's post..
((:





ps: it's not tapa who text me..

Monday, February 09, 2009

i have this thing called Routine Hunches. whenever i have this hunch about something, it'll either happen or it just happened. -__-"
whad the fuck i am talking about, i don't know. im not trying to say im psychic but i just have this strong gut feeling thad something is going to happen. good or bad, it will happen. routines in life. quote by my dear Ling. ((:

i texted your friend like whad you told me to. informing you wherever im going. and i know you're busy with the work you're doing and i don't want to be such a nuisance to you. i was at my sis place and you know i can't text oud. i waited for you. like whad you said, you will finish at 0400hrs. i waited till' 0500hrs and later. i never even receive a SINGLE text from you. imaginations ran wild. hunches started to go crazy. i know from the look of your eye when i left, there's something going to happen. and it's true. you'd rather text ILOVEYOU or IMISSYOU to someone else than your own partner. and thad's when i start to learn. learn to never love you again. whadever else thad happened, it's for me to know. you'll never learn baby. hais.....

like whad i've quoted everywhere, I STOLE YOUR EX BUT YOU STOLE MY PARTNER. it's something you should be ashamed about. now im talking about dignity. or maybe, you don't have any. whad to do. everything happened so fast even i ain't got anytime to blink. -___-"
i rest my case. cos' im not going to make a racket out of something so simple. just freaking, forget about everything. *sheesh
my love for you will cease.. all i need is time.. no tears, no emotions.. cos' i know im never meant to be by your side.. ((:



love.

Monday, February 02, 2009

Funkamania XIV Finals has been a blast! Pink Dollar$ was crowned Champions in the Biggest Street Dance Competition in Singapore. ((:
and as said by Kimmie, this is the 1st time in Funkamania history, our people conquered the dancefloor. and for the very 1st time, i was in this kind of competition with the most respected dancers. ((:
and with thad, i was very honoured and im proud of myself. very speech-like eh. -__-"

it was a great experience. it was a great night. 31st January 2009. never will i forget a day like this with so much events happening at the same time. WOWW! seriously it was epicly fun! -__-"
and to my dear best friend, Andreas, you did well babe. WE ALL DID WELL! ((:
and thank you to my dear friends, whether you're there or not, supported me throughout this whole journey. OMG AM I GETTING EMOTIONAL?! O.O
and oh ya! not forgetting, 2 most unexpected people congratulate me. ((:
plastic or not, i dont care but most of all, the thought thad counts. and for thad, i thank you guys so much and congratulation too. =P

oh yes! i was talking about myself getting fat. no, not getting fat but already fat. and to my surprise, fairus said im getting thin. =D
isnt thad good news?! so im not going to worry about getting fat or eating alot. LOL! seriously, i've been neglecting my meals but when im really hungry, i'll go all oud. LOL! and after thad, stop eating. well abit of meat in me wouldnt kill. *feeling weight-conscious.



iloveyou, and you know thad.
and to understand me this bit (.), wouldnt kill. ((:
and so, i hope you do.
it's not thad i don't want to but i have to.



and i love my hair colour. -_____-"