Creation Shows Me What To Do

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You Hit Me Like A Tidal Wave

The name is Mell. You know I don't care what you think of me.
But, please be considerate and respect whatever I have to say.
At least, leave your name before you go. :)

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Wednesday, April 29, 2009

i got this mindset.. you got bird flu, you will have all the characteristics of a crazy bird.. and when you have swine flu, you will have all the characteristics of a crazy pig.. -__-"
and fawrahh and syahril said thad when i was practicing just now.. and i seriously, wondered why the hell, SWINE FLU.. did i dance like a crazy pig?! hmm to think back, i actually did went all crazy just now and you know whad, i couldn't stop myself.. =DD
the adrenaline rush was all over inside and i could hardly say STOP, just like how Britney Spears did.. -__-"

just imagine this.. you're down with either bird of swine flu and all of you know thad it's really fatal.. and you die cos' of it.. and when you die, you will be reincarnated into either birds or pigs.. -__-"
thad's when my imagination go really wild.. WE SHOULD KILL ALL OF THE BIRDS AND THE PIGS! *evil laughs
but a'an reminded me, chicken is our source of food and it's his favourite.. thads when i forget thad chicken falls under the category of birds.. -__-"
then i decided, all birds except chickens.. well maybe ducks n swans too.. HAHAHAHA! =DD

i was hyper today.. very hyper.. talking craps.. being crappy during dance practice.. laughed like nobody's watching but infact, everyone was watching me.. -__-"
i don't care really.. i want to be crazy.. live life to the fullest.. thads whad i wanted for myself.. be happy neverending, forever and ever.. but things just to happen right? SHITS!

decisions are pending.. chances are onhold.. it's sad for things to happen and it's sad thad i'm involved and i have to sacrifice for something i loved so much.. besides thad, people using my name for their own protection which i think, not fair.. you need to deal with reality sucker now i tell you.. use my name, go on and like i care if i got into something big.. -__-"
all im going to do is let oud all of the truth.. ((:

you want to play dirty, i can too.. thads all i can say.. and yes, things might change but please for the better people? im doing this for my passion and i want my passion to go as far with you guys around.. my destiny lies in your hands.. -__-"
very Yoda from Star Wars.. LOL!

to end my post, let me present you the pic of the day.. LOL! org jakun who used a China Phone as webcam.. -__-"
as you can see, there's FaceBook at the background! =DD



i still love all of you no matter whad..

Monday, April 27, 2009

i got the news yesterday.. sorry but i can no longer hide my feelings.. honestly, it sucked big time and it's more than 24hrs.. -__-"
but damn thad was a pinch.. i guess thad wasn't a pinch at all.. it's more of a roundhouse kick to the face.. one question, whad did i ever do to deserve this? honesty is the best policy but you never did open up to me.. i can't help thinking thad this is all about our passion, dancing.. -__-"

tell me about it.. the reason is all about thad.. why can't we just separate them into different categories and lead on with our normal life.. friends.. love.. passion.. can't we just do thad, once? in my eyes, this has gone too far.. before, tried to keep me away just bcos' of some competition.. now, totally diss me off? shucks.. people can really go thad far.. i guess keeping quiet was never the medicine at all.. ((:

i still consider you as one of my best friend whadever the matter is, thads why i still keep in touch with you.. i'm sorry i can't do this no more.. let's make this the last of everything.. after i made this up to everyone, i'm totally done with you.. please, don't test the calm waters..
thank you..




and again, i love everyone..

Sunday, April 26, 2009

previously, Pink Dollar$ Crew had a photoshoot outing all around Orchard Road.. it was on the 25th April 2009 and thad was the day when i had the most hectic day ever.. the photoshoot went really well, dressed up very well too with Alif for our photographer.. ((:
pictures will be uploaded soon and i will post it up as soon as possible.. and i can't believe im dressed up like thad at Orchard in the very early morning of the day.. and damn do we look gorgeous! =DD

after thad shoot, me, alif and mazlan went to the Singapore Botanic Gardens to celebrate ain's advance b'day surprise.. well her b'day was on a Monday so we'd better celebrate it during the weekends.. kudos to KS especially dada, ogy, fie and zu for planning it.. it was the most craziest party ever! ((:
we did alot of running till' it was like about 2100hrs.. LOL! and the game is called Ice-Man a.k.a Ice 'n' Water.. i know, we're very kiddy but hey at least we had loads of fun down there and to those who didn't attend, you guys just wasted the fun there.. ((:

and the day ended with a movie, Jangan Tegur with qie, ayu, fie, syahril, mazlan, ain and zu.. and dawning at Yishun with fawrahh, ain, fie, syahril and mazlan.. and now here i am, listening to Maybe over and over again like a fool.. nopes not really fool but a fool-to-be.. -__-"

relying on my most best fantasy to happen in a matter of time.. so do you really think thad curses on me would work? i don't think so cos' i've never been tired of trying.. maybe a psycho on the loose but i don't do stalking.. -__-"
i give it straight up and not beating around the bush.. acceptance or rejection is another thing.. but i'd rather deal it for myself.. is it really about the title? or is it just embarassment thad they'd to face later on? im not sure.. maybe i'm not into answering thad question..

acceptance or rejection.. it's coming in a minute or two.. accepting the fact and cry it all oud might be the best idea.. LOL! either or actually.. so i wouldn't mind.. it's just like losing something so precious and you don't care about it but you do, in the dark.. -__-"
get it? im sure you would.. as for the other party, it's very hard.. if only i'm Professor X.. it's kind of cool but it's also called cheating.. ((:
cheating in both your life and your purpose.. if only it all comes to one conclusion.. a neverending happy ending.. wouldn't it be so much better like thad? *singing to So Much Betta -Janet Jackson
i've been loving you since the jurassic times.. -__-"
would just be happy if you acknowledge it with sincerity from the heart.. ((:

i would like to share something about for both my star sign and my chinese zodiac.. observed by Hamzah Fabolous.. ((:

being a snake, who is by nature a cautious and secretive animal. and to make things more difficult, i'm a pisces which makes me indecisive and slack.. thus as a snake pisces, it makes it even more difficult for me to convince myself thad someone or something is worth my committed effort cos' i am an extremely careful person who will take my time to decide on something important..

and i declare thad, true..





i still love all of you.. ((:

Labels: i love myself.. ((:

[Verse 1:]
Beep Beep! oh look now there goes my phone
And once again I'm just hoping it's a text from you..hmm..
It ain't right read ya messages twice, thrice
Four times a night its true
Everyday I patiently wait
Feeling like a fool but I do, anyway
Nothing can feel as sweet and as real
As knowing I wasn't waiting in vain..

[Chorus:]
Maybe its true I'm caught up on you
Maybe there's a chance that your stuck on me too
Maybe I'm wrong
It's all in my head
Maybe We're Awaiting Words We Both Hadn't Said

[Verse 2:]
I'm always connected online
Hooked on Facebook all the time
Hoping you've Checked my profile
Just can't help wondering why,
You play it cool but,
see I'm hopelessly falling for you,
Every night on the phone and I flirt with you,
and I know that you like it girl
All joking aside,
What say you and I
Come out and say what we're trying to hide..

[Chorus:]
Maybe its true I'm caught up on you
Maybe there's a chance that your stuck on me too
Maybe I'm wrong
It's all in my head
Maybe We're Awaiting Words We Both Hadn't Said

[Bridge:]
Like I really want you,
I think I need you,
Baby I miss you,
I'm thinking of you [x2]

[Guitar Solo]

[Chorus:]
Maybe its true (OH)
I'm caught up on you (maybe, yeah)
Maybe there's a chance that your stuck on me too (Stuck on me too)
Maybe I'm wrong (Hey baby, yeah..)
It's all in my head.. (OH NO)
Maybe We're Awaiting Words We Both Hadn't Said (both haven't said)
Maybe Its True I'm Caught Up On You
Maybe There's A Chance that You're Stuck On Me Too
Maybe I'm Wrong, It's All In My Head
Maybe We're Awaiting Words We Both Hadn't Said

[Outro]
Maybe it's true..(Baby I Miss You)
I'm caught up on you (Look I Want You)
Maybe I am wrong Baby I miss you...

Labels: maybe.. ((:

Sunday, April 19, 2009

i know how relentlessly you guys tried.. but here i am, trying to repeat the things thad i hate to repeat about.. im not into any of this anymore.. please stop all those pleading and 'unintentional' plannings.. i've had enough of all this and i've got my objective straight.. no detouring to any kind of means and this got to stop, forever.. excuse me, but im the one facing this and this could turn ugly.. and im not resorting to any of those sort.. -__-"

i know can't get over and whadever all your reasons are but if you can do it once, you can do it again.. trust me.. -__-"
it's not helping i know but thad's the fact.. accept it.. and it's not a choice.. stop making me feel guilty in anyways cos' none of thad are working seriously.. i got myself into this but im sure im capable of bringing myself out of it.. it's a tough job but im sure of myself.. ((:
none of this are going to distract me from whadever im doing but hey listen to me.. im way beyond torn right here.. and please stop expecting for things to be the way it was.. it's not going your ways anymore.. yeah heartbreaker, bitch, say all you want about me.. but thads not going to stop me from whad i am.. a strong bitch where things will always go my way.. ((:

please stop okeh..

and to any 3rd party.. if your purpose is to help, im so appreciating any of thad.. but if you're there to pass me messages and saying to settle things between us and you don't want to get involve, then dont.. you'll just be defeating your own purpose.. you want to help, but you don't want to get involve.. very contradicting but i understand.. trying to be the middle person but you don't want to get involve.. one word, STUPID.. dont want to get involve, then stop talking about me and stop sending messages.. bottomline, stop being such a two-faced motherfucka..




i still love all of you..

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

i actually went to the Singapore Science Centre earlier today.. after years of missing thad place, i finally stepped there again at the age of 20.. -__-"
yes knowing me, i would be jakun as usual.. going here and there with no sense of direction and touches everything in sight.. imagine a small kid knowing nothing and just running around, aimlessly.. thads how i reacted to the Singapore Science Centre.. =DDD

when we're there, i was amazed by the display of the giant T-Rex outside McDonalds.. i used to fancy them alot.. dinosaurs and ancients species you know.. and to my another surprise, the Sea Monster movie is up in the OmniTheater! it's all about Jurassic times of sea creatures! -__-"
don't give me thad face.. at times, i need to be a kid and learn about almost everything.. seriously, i was fascinated by all of thad.. and my most favourite display, the man-made tornado display.. =DDD
yes thad was my all-time favourite.. shut up to any of you who gasps at my kiddy-ness..

it's like turning back time.. i love going back there again.. and now, to the OmniTheater! =DD

we had alot of talking time session.. just purely talk and played some games to entertain ourselves after the trip.. it was a hell of a good time with KS there.. too bad Alif can't be there cos' he was locked inside the house.. ((:
we will do this again, next month.. and next stop, Singapore Zoological Gardens! =DDDD

im not sure whad you're up to.. all i can is thad, i missed those times when you weren't a Liar and an Egoistic bastard.. thads all and nothing much.. all i want us to be friends but we can never share the same views right? Taurus and Pisces.. never can work together and you're so proud of thad.. ((:
amazingly, i do remember every single thing.. im done with the making up thing.. it has been going on for such a long time! do you even know how long thad i don't want you already? or you're still trying your luck? i can't be the same anymore and i chose not to.. FOR MY OWN SAKE! -__-"

please help me for both of our sake.. i can never fulfill your needs anymore and i chose not to, again.. i've had enough and which part of enough don't you understand? stop threatening me with my weakness and just accept the fact thad you've lost me already, Big Time.. it will never be done when you're done messing up my life.. and then later, you will blame me for messing up yours.. twisting my words and actions is your forté.. please.. )):




and again, iloveyou all again and again..

Monday, April 13, 2009

don't ever feel like i belong to you anymore.. cos' reality check, i'm never yours already.. so whether any of my 'chapters' are successful or not, it's none of your business anyways.. so butt out and stop bothering me.. bottomline, im not your partner anymore so stop.. -__-"

it's a wonder how easy i can get over things.. i know tell me about it.. NOT thad easy but as long as i don't get myself distracted by unnecessarry things.. thad is so redundant seriously.. pondering on things thad you'll never want.. it's just a waste of time and puhh-leasee, my personals are none of your concern.. ((:

dance has been great.. Pink Dollar$ Crew clinched 2nd for Groove In The West Dance competition.. video is up on the link to the right.. ((:
it was a tough competition.. La Fuse, Sushi, Freekzy Nutz and more.. but all did great.. ((:
even though some of it are last minute but we made it through thick and thin.. i know, very metaphorical.. -__-"
another experience, worth it's hardwork..

i slept for exactly 14hrs today.. and i really did 'membabikn diri' today.. i even took my own sweet time to finish up Breaking Dawn.. i have to slowly digest the feelings back into me and feel the story like how i did for the previous books.. ((:



and again, iloveyou all!

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

another mission accomplished.. with all my heart, i tried to enjoy and be entertain by the stories of Stephenie Meyer.. Twilight.. New Moon.. Eclipse.. they are all both amazing and mouth-watering stories about love and life.. tell me about it..

Started reading at 06th April, 0000hrs..
Finish reading at 07th April, 0545hrs..

yes im so crazy about it now.. i've moved on to Breaking Dawn now.. the very last episode of the saga available now.. yes Ewin now i know how Edward Cullen is.. but Robert Pattinson will never be hotter than Edward Cullen.. there's a difference okeh.. ((:
but kudos to Ms/Mdm Meyer.. she stirred up every of my emotions thads available in me.. from hate to jealousy to ecstatic and so on.. i can hyperventilate myself by just reading the things they do.. call me a freak, again.. =DDD

im sidetracking right now.. i slept over my 2nd sis place yesterday.. and i saw her sleep.. while i was on the computer playing games while reading.. i look into a face and i saw something.. something thad she wouldn't want to tell anyone.. she's been keeping to herself for quite sometime and yes, she survived through it.. ((:
life maybe difficult for her but she's eager to face them, alone.. her kids, especially.. i see thad right through them.. they have been living in a world of problems.. but she managed to get everything for them.. everything thad they needed..

i teared when i thought of it.. every tear made me realise.. i wanted to tell her thad she's not alone but i can't cos' i cant help her in anyways.. let's just call it GirlPower.. ((:
and i respect her for being who she is right now.. a woman, a strong woman.. but most of all, a mother.. i wouldn't have said responsible but she is a good mother.. =DDD

and to all my sisters out there, no matter how cruel you are and no matter how sickening you are, i love all of you to the core.. able to support both me and my mum.. not fully but look at the both of us, we're still breathing.. ((:



and yet again, iloveu all!



ps: im so looking forward for tomorrow! =DDDD

Sunday, April 05, 2009

when i woke up this morning, i realised thad it was too good to be true.. i gave it for another thought and i guessed again, it's never to happen.. it is a dream.. my dream.. i'm trying real hard to decipher the meaning of my dream.. but to no avail, i dissappoint myself yet again.. ((:
it's not much of a good thing but at least it's worth the try.. the try thad is worth trying for the whole of my life.. -__-"

i smiled to myself.. looking at how stupid i was..no i didnt actually smile but i think i giggled.. okeh no but i think it's more of a laugh.. LOL! yes tell me about it.. and i thought i was crazy.. i was thankful to my mummy for waking me up or not, i would suffer in my dream, alone.. and to the another human out there, please stop trying? ((:
i had a big full stop in my decision so please stop trying to make me change my mind..



and still, iloveyou all..

call me a freak, again.. cos' seriously, i don't want to miss a thing.. and i didnt want to lapse my reading if not, it'll start to not interest me.. well at least Edward Cullen still there to motivate me.. ((:

Started reading at 02nd April, 1730hrs..
Finish reading at 04th April, 1330hrs..

tell me about it.. the story got my adrenaline rush going and it made me want to read more of it.. it's kinda scary for people to see me in this state.. it's like a in-my-own-world state.. you get it right? well some people were easy to catch up on me.. LOL! -__-"
i have to keep on reading.. till' it's the end of the book.. and so now, i need Eclipse and then Breaking Dawn.. i'm going to collect it from Ekaa later today and make sure i start reading on the spot.. thinking of it just made me go crazy by the minute!

Eclipse here i come! =DDD

yes im happy.. one thing for sure, Edward's been visiting me.. *dream on
secondly, __ got me back.. WAIT! let me explain.. for the very 1st time in my whole life, __ actually texted me asking How Am I.. i know it's nothing to some people but hey, it's something to me.. in my whole 11years with ___, __ asked me thad question out of the blue.. ((:

i don't want to live in denial.. but i guess it's worth the chance.. one last very chance.. for my 11years crush to happen.. no wait, i think it's 12years instead.. -__-"
i don't want to make it so direct so i decided to take it slow.. or maybe i could scare the shit out of ___. and to be honest, i'm scared myself.. it's like the urge to be with a vampire, thads how it exactly felt like.. -__-"
shut up ain..

i'd like to let things happen on their own.. and i don't want to know if __'s just using me.. i said, IF.. anything can happen and even if i know it won't happen, i'm willing to give it a one more go.. just give me this chance to let go of myself and prove.. give me time.. i will make do of it very carefully.. how fast can things happen and how fast can things react, the feel for me to be in your arms burns brightly like fire.. did i just said something metaphoric? -__-"

there i go.. losing myself again.. i need to keep it straight! for my kind to exist in this world, its just absurd cos' i've been getting all the wrong things.. why not for once, i get the right things for now and make do with it with everything i can.. i'm ready to sacrifice anything.. okeh not really but compromising is the keyword here.. ((:



and again, iloveu all!


ps: sorry fie and ain.. )):

Friday, April 03, 2009

yeah tell me about it.. an all KS outing, how rare is thad to happen nowadays.. with both Alif and Amir around, it's just as happening as ever.. it was a simple outing, just catching up on stuffs and drinking Hot Chocolate from McCafe.. the usuals i shall say.. and more to come! ((:
i felt really nice having all of us together again.. it's a blessing to have them all around me.. they made me feel so safe and secured.. and im proud to say thad we will be sticking together as per normal and i'm treasuring every minute of it.. ((:

to make matters way exciting for me, i got my New Moon! you people won't know how ecstatic i am.. seriously you guys should have seen my face when i retrieve the book from Alif. =DDD
like i said, call me a freak and i don't care.. the name was all over my face.. EDWARD CULLEN. EDWARD CULLEN. EDWARD CULLEN. -__-"
and the other photos are in my FaceBook.. tag yourself there and comment anything about those pictures.. =DDD

iloveyou all!

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

tell me about it.. it's either i'm obsessed with the book or i just love fantasising with the book.. i literally drowned myself in the book 24-7..

Started reading at 31st March 2009, 1230hrs..
Finish reading at 1st April 2009, 0430hrs..

it's my record so far right now.. i can't believed how fast i can read thad book.. and now i can't wait to read the next sequel, New Moon.. it's unbelievable how the author actually described Edward Cullen's features, action and even to the way he moved around.. call me a freak cos' i literally fell in love with him in the book.. -__-"

i can't believe thad an author could create such mouth watering character despite his dark side thad everyone should fear.. sadly, it's just a character in a book.. no point people looking like him in the movies cos' honestly, thads not the point.. -__-"
the point which i'm saying is, how i'd wish thad such character would be in real life.. TSKK! reality check, none will be like thad.. -__-"

it would be a miracle if one could be like thad.. such character, tell me about it.. OOOH! thinking of it just gave me goosebumps.. i'll surrender myself to the likes of him, appearing at the very corner of my room.. oh wtff! ((:



NEW MOON! here i come!