profilingmyself.

2011-03-05T16:41:00.001+08:00

people say ignorance is bliss, but not according to me..
saying all those things, is really something..
but to mean it, it's another thing..

selfish~
i so wanna disappear now.. :(

*poof*

2011-02-01T06:10:00.001+08:00

<3 again, please?

2011-01-27T02:02:00.002+08:00

no pain, no gain uh? seems like everything we want, there's always a price to pay.. well, not literally but you get my drift.. things doesn't always go the way you want it but if it did, i'm happy if you're happy.. :))

sidetracking; my opinions may not matter but if you asked for mine, jolly well you listen.. i said Listen, not Heed.. there's differences in those words.. but if you expect my opinions to be the same as yours, i'm so sorry.. better if you don't ask me at all.. i never, never give my best to anyone but if you think you're the best, so be it..

some things are better left unsaid, i do agree.. but at some point of time, you have to just let it all go.. reasons may vary but you do the listing.. if people can't accept it, so be it.. so people, don't be all angry or pissed and just think he/she is a nobody.. cos' we're doing nothing more than a favour anyways..

cos' i can forever keep my voice than to tell you anything that you don't want to listen.. :))
but i'll always be here.. <3 u..

2011-01-24T04:31:00.002+08:00

yup..that's why i'm in love with myself.. self obssesed~ felt that way before? keep reminding myself, every single day and every hour of my life.. :))

2011-01-24T02:34:00.003+08:00

You're all I need when I'm holding you tight
If you walk away I will suffer tonight
I catch my breath with just one beating heart
And I brace myself, please don't tear this apart

yup.. thats Bound To You by Christina Aguilera from the motion picture "Burlesque".. i loved the movie.. it's even way way better than "Fame".. facts about me, i watch a movie solely because of the actors and actresses.. well, Yogi Bear is an exception.. 'cos its cute..

i just wanted to share with you why this song meant so much to me.. :))

you ever felt so broken in life, you're helpless to do anything that's coming at you and there's nothing you can do about it? yes, Literally nothing.. you just lay down in your bed with nothing but yourself you can depend on.. and afew friends who wished they could help but actually, they can never do anything about it.. it's the fact..

if only i can photograph myself in that situation.. i think i can cry looking at myself in that state, again.. one came right after another.. and crying, is the only thing i could do.. pathetic isnt it? you tell me.. and 1 thing about me, i love putting myself in stupid and dangerous state.. without realising.. *sidetracked* and a friend came.. a friend who gave extra attention.. you've lost everything already, wouldn't you feel extra special already?

*bla*bla*bla*bla*bla*

my questions answered.. in the 1st place, who would answer my ridiculous questions? case closed.. i thought.. we all thought.. but like i said, i love to stand at the edge of the highest mountain alive.. i threw everything away.. every single thing that i have on me.. just to feel what i've felt before.. is that sacrifice worth it? does letting go of that bungee cord worth it? yes, i am selfish.. to myself.. i never gave any chance for myself.. but in a way by doing so, i am..

every single day, i'm hoping.. every single day, i wished.. every single day, i'm bounded tighter to you.. and i never hoped, wished or expect you to come to me.. just be the way you are, before..

<3

ps: yup, we'll always be friends and we'll never lose anything.. :))
psps: thank you friends for crying for me, for being there and whatever ya'll did just to make feel whole again.. <3

2011-01-23T04:49:00.000+08:00

i just don't get it why..
but i do..
i'm sorry..

2011-01-21T10:07:00.001+08:00

yup.. i fell in love w this half demon, half human.. Dante..
he's AWESOME~~

:)))

2011-01-20T22:58:00.005+08:00

"For we pay a price for everything we get or take in this world; and although ambitions are well worth having, they are not to be cheaply won." -Lucy Maud Montgomery

yeah, i've been sick for at least a week now.. i can't possibly eat anything without throwing anything out.. i still can't taste anything nice.. and i need tampons to suck my nose out dry.. phfft~
it's sad to know that my body is failing me, once again.. really, it's killing me.. oh wells.. parts and parcels of life, no? O.o"

side note, January has been a bitch.. wait, or am i the idiot here? i think i am..

you ever felt you're in your fantasy that you've created all these while? i'm very sure all of you did.. yes, i'm still in my own fantasy.. a fantasy that i've created to regain everything that i've lost for the past months.. not for anyone else but, solely for me..

Me: but i want to have a BF..
FJ: but you're way better without 1..
Me: i know, ade ramai abang straight..
Both: *laughs*

oh wells, it is better.. no, i am better this way.. :)

ps: don't neglect me..

Christina Aguilera - You Lost Me

2011-01-20T03:44:00.002+08:00

new start.. new skin.. let me just announce it..
MELL'S BLOG IS OFFICIALLY OPENED, AGAIN!!~

well, what a January.. lost iMell.. lost my beloved cover.. that sums up, BAD JANUARY.. lost alot of things this month..

but, i dont want to lose you.. :(

ps: watching Pokemon now.. :D

still, at Marina Mandarin.. ((:

2009-11-30T07:40:00.003+08:00

presenting, Rotten Apples of the year.. ((:

we did great for Dance Explosion 4 Finals.. all of us, including Sneak Beatz and Fantastic Force.. yes we didn't earn a place but we all know in our hearts, we're damn good at entertaining and we enjoyed ourselves.. thad's the main reason why our passion is; To Dance.. ((:
stick to our motto and strive for the best in the future..

to those who cried, please don't be disheartened.. cos' it's a competition and it's either, win or lose.. nothing to be sad about cos' there are more opportunities up ahead and we gave our very best.. and it's a tough competition so just keep reminding yourselves, "I Am Good".. =DD

as stated on the title, im still at Marina Mandarin.. currently eating cup noodles with Syahril and watching Animal Planet while waiting for the others to be awake for breakfast.. and yet again, i didn't sleep.. -__-"
nothing so surprising about thad.. i have been sleeping so late since im not sure when myself.. and surprisingly, im not bored.. HAHAHA! had fun here.. as usual, with the screams, teasing, hempap-ing, it's so much fun down here.. after awhile since we spent time together.. ((:

no matter whad you did, no matter whad you said.. but at the end of the day, you'll know thad whadever you did will always make my day.. seeing your face, brightens my life.. with thousands of lights, thad might comeby.. i know it's hard for you to accept me but no matter to thad.. cos' i know i'll always cater you.. ♥

when you realised..

2009-11-23T05:21:00.003+08:00

you know it's falling apart.. you know it has never been the times thad we meet.. and you know it yourself, thad we'll never forget you.. on behalf of all of them, i shall say whad's needed.. for now at least.. cos' my head has been playing with lots of questions nowadays and they are questions with no answers but only possibilities.. but hey, we trust you with our lives.. ((:

i don't really know how to use the word 'Homie' or 'Hommey'.. whichever, you'll know whad i'm trying to say.. sometimes it just so happen thad we were all there.. and we as humans, can't possibly change another humans' perception.. towards us or anything along thad line.. and US being US, just mind our own business cos' problem could rise anytime, anyday and anywhen.. humans.. never fail to bring other humans down.. -__-"

tried to pin-point our mistakes but hey, did you realise thad you're doing whad we did? i emphasise on my DID.. why? whad's the motive behind all thad? whad evil intention do you have in mind to make us fall apart? nothing i repeat, Nothing's going to stop us.. i am being oblivious towards all of you.. cos' i know by doing thad, it'll cool things down between all of us.. but No.. humans like to rekindle the flame when it's already been extinguished.. leave it there and pretend, nothing ever happen.. how fucked up is thad? -__-"

bear in mind, your brain has some function to do which is to think everything through.. not to copy-paste into your brain and let it be there.. you make the choice, you make your decision.. it's all in your hands, not ours.. and you know again, we ♥ you alot.. ((:

im feeling god damn drowsy right now.. synflex, 2 beaflu, 2 panadols and cough syrup.. just to stop myself from getting sick any sooner.. Dance Explosion is taking a toll on me.. just like boulders fell onto you, thad's the pain thad i'm feeling right now.. i was not so great, it was not thad bad.. and if we get into finals, it's my turn.. ((:
fuck.. i feel like sleeping now.. i don't even have the strength to open up my eye lids.. fuck pills and cough syrup.. -__-"

sometimes i just wish, i could be living in a cottage at any country side.. not country club, mind you.. slow and peaceful, more than enough to think on your own.. sit by the corridor on a rocking chair and admire the serenity of the view.. i wish.. i wish..

♥
imissualready.. ):

hello world..

2009-11-11T04:29:00.001+08:00

yes i'm back.. with nothing so new.. just the old ordinary story of my daily life.. ((:
been broke for 3 god damn weeks.. can you imagine thad? even while i'm working.. i'm struggling handling my own life but i'm glad my friends and family are here to help.. not money wise but just supporting is enough.. and i'm glad to have people like them.. and guess whad?! i survived 16days of retail! -__-"

and thanks to some mysterious person for transferring cash to my account.. i was so relieved thad it was there when i wanted to check whether my pay is in or not.. thank you so much man.. i still need to know who is it, have yet to check.. -__-"

and yes.. this is a long due story which i have yet to tell anyone.. and i thought in the past, thad person was just exaggerating things.. but now, i believe you.. i know, thad 3-months theory does apply here.. -__-"
you cannot i repeat, CANNOT trust all of your friends.. money, is nothing compared to them.. even my personal belongings well except for, my phone and all.. -__-"
there's such things call 'Your Close Friend Liking/Loving Your BF/GF'.. it does happen.. liking, i don't mind.. but loving, how eh? in a way, he/she is double crossing you isn't it? to make it worst, he/she didnt say anything to you.. and to make it worser, it's behind your back..

wahhh testing my patience man!! but i'm cool.. no ones perfect and well, none of my exs are thad well too including me so why bother? i don't.. for the fact thad it's my close friend.. fuck.. heart pain big time.. fuck up.. people are just sick in the brain man..

goodnight everyone..
call me!
((:

kill me..

2009-11-03T03:01:00.002+08:00

Would You..

Pull The Trigger If I Told You To Point The Gun To My Head?

a broken heart will continue to beat..

2009-10-27T03:59:00.004+08:00

He means so much to me. I just wish he knew because when I’m around him, the say is a different blue and when he talks to me, my knees begin to shake. The last thing I want is another heartbreak. If he would love me like I love him, I could tell him that I will always be true but when I try to talk, I just don’t know what to say because I know he doesn’t feel the same way.

whad do i need to do in order to stop this? whad do i need to do to forget about this? i've only been abled to block oud 1/6 of the memories.. the other 5? it's still lingering in there, just like lost souls.. souls thad are waiting for a purpose.. for an action to be done.. for a reason to accept.. for a moment to be treasured.. and they're still waiting 'cos, i'm still waiting..

they tried to talk me oud of this.. and knowing me, ever so stubborn and confident thad it'll happen, one day.. whether it's truth or lie, bad or good, thad depends on whad he have to say or do.. how i wish the balloons incident would happen.. ((:
it'll be great.. if only you would have the initiative.. and now, i can't stop.. maybe i should stop giving.. or should i continue? or maybe i should stop entertaining? but thad'll kill me.. no matter whad happens, i'm staying rooted on my own grounds.. still waiting.. even if it means i have to decline all applications.. which i've already did.. thanks to you..

Never let a guy know you like him because then he knows that whatever he does, you’re still gonna love him and he’s gonna mess with your heart until it breaks into half.

screwed up..

2009-10-24T03:32:00.003+08:00

Staying with someone you really ♥ even if you know you two can't be together for alot of reasons is like standing in the rain. It feels good but you know it will soon make you sick.

but i'm never getting sick of it.. i still remember someone said this to me when we were talking.. and i hid my tears way beyond my tear duct.. "You know thad it won't happen right?"
on the verge of screaming my lungs out, shouting at her face and say, "I KNOW THAD BUT CAN YOU PLEASE JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP?!"
but all i said was, hope.. hope made me this way..

so should i say, hope is my enemy? or my worst nightmare? cos' hope almost made me go crazy, literally.. how i really wished thad i could run away.. run away far from everyone else and lead my life differently from others.. with the whole world spinning around me, with H.O.P.E acting as a shield for me to not breakdown.. thad doesn't really help.. but no matter.. im accepting everything and anything with arms wide open.. with hardened walls thad made me strong enough to face even the devilistic beast in this world.. *not literally, durhh*

the wall which made me so cold-hearted, hot-headed bitch ever alive.. as known to my Minah Senget, i'm emotionless now.. -__-"
so who will breakdown this wall? noone knows, not even myself.. goodluck to thad person and i wish you all the best.. let's see how far you can go.. IF, you're willing..

i♥you, fuck!

siggghhhhhh.....

long lost..

2009-10-19T05:21:00.007+08:00

updates.. partied like wild humans for 2 subsequent fridays.. and guess whad?! they're the best parties with the best party-goers! i chose some pictures to be in my blog but more on Massy's FaceBook.. Ayeen and the rest had theirs at St. James instead.. looking at my condition right now, i don't really afford..

ala-ala, St. James is for orang kaye, bukan macam aku.. HAHAHA! sorry Ayeen.. =P

this photo album probably contained the most funniest clubbing photos i've ever had.. me and Massy actually spend our 30mins laughing at each of them.. from bo chui, to 'orang jepun' clay face, to choli bo chui, to funny-eyes-syndrome, to titties kissing, to bad mood and to imaginations.. and we actually laughed at ourselves.. -__-"
Happy Belated B'Day to my dear Al-Falah and Fiqa not forgetting.. exception for you Falah.. HAHAHA! so funny..

as for now, im back to earning.. as usual, all partied hard and now to cover back all the expenses spent on drinks and entry charges.. HAHAHA! saving up both for Zouk Out 2009 and overseas.. and i hope, everything will turn oud very, very well.. *hoping&praying*
i so can't wait for everything to happen.. let's all now be PDS cos' thads whad i'm doing.. the only way to live life to the fullest.. ((:

it has been days.. since i last.. i refrained myself from this.. and it kills me deeply to not even ask how goddamn well are you.. so now i should expect you to come to me instead? if not, whad else should i expect then? can you at least give me a simple answer as to why do i deserve this? i guess i'm deserving this big time.. for whadever the reason it might be, i don't care.. long lost, imissu too much.. ♥

you know thad my perception for you will never change.. ((:
you know who you are.. i know how you wanted to spend your time but please, not with me.. i don't want to be anywhere near you.. and thad includes your head.. you want it, give it all you've got.. don't go half-way and change your mind.. cos' noone in this world would cater to your likeness and expect them to wait.. so an advice, don't even bother waiting for me.. cos' deep down you know, i'm never coming back..

Ribena w Lemon.. ((:
shuddup Massy..

a very old picture, a time to remember..

dance journey.. so far.. ((:

2009-10-13T06:18:00.002+08:00

We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic cords of memory will swell when again touched as surely they will be by the better angels of our nature.

hell of a weekend.. ((:

2009-10-12T05:10:00.004+08:00

this was all during friday, 091009.. with Shanene and my friend.. was sad cos' his pay was not in but i don't mind paying even if i know it's going to make me bankrupt, for the day.. LOLL! it was hell of a night.. ((:
to those who pushed the jugs to us, stolen jugs even.. HAHAHA! thad was crappy man.. *laughs*

from the kiss to the 'confessions'.. and from the blabbers to touching private parts.. i don't even remember all thad man.. thanks alot, BooBoo.. -__-"
i was embarrassed but i had fun man.. from the pictures, they were all asleep except for BooBoo and me, thanks for being so patient listening to me and all my craps.. HAHAHA! just a tip, don't budget yourselves cos' all you know, you will go, "OMG.. I've spent too much!".. seriously.. and it's good thad me and Mas never tried 'WaterFall'.. ((:

and to another action boy, Pek, YOU NOT ACTION LAH BODDO! but still action ah.. never talk to me.. HAHAHA! kidding lahh oii.. sensitive nyerr.. =DDD

thanks to Mas, Adi, Bo, BooBoo, Shanene, Pek and You.. i had the greatest time.. ((:
next up, AYEEEEEENNN! =DD
let's go Zirca okeh? HAHAHA!

i know.. kesian muke Zu terselit kat tengah.. i was 4hrs late for X's/KS jalan raye.. thanks to the previous day mayhem.. ((:

had hangover and only ate delicious fried chicken at Shahrul's place.. THANK YOU Aunty Polly/Pauline! =DD

so Mak Bonda had to actually give a signal for us to leave every houses.. i think she got tired by the time we reached Fauzi's place.. HAHAHA! and i loved Wardah's sabsuka.. if only i've tasted the one at Syahril's place.. ):

and the worst thing was, the maaf-maafan.. i was scared and shy at the same time.. LOLL! all i can do was either smile or laugh.. HAHAHA! and for the 1st time when i held Amir's hand, i kept mum.. sucked big time man! so malu! LOLL!

to KS, i ♥ you.. ((:

and to the rest of you, ya'll should know my mouth by now.. if you're hurt by any of my comments, im sorry.. i can't help myself.. HAHAHA! but if i mean it, i do mean it.. if not, then i'll say.. ((:

and to Farah n Ewin.. i was actually pissed when you guys wanted to wear casual.. i know right.. LOLL! but i think, i got over it and fell asleep at the same time.. =/

sorry girls.. so next time if want to change dress code, DO TELL ME HOURS BEFORE! ((:

♥ all of you..

and especially, you.. ((:

COOL HUH?!?!

2009-10-08T08:00:00.003+08:00

for some people who don't know, they're all from Disney's Princesses and Princes.. guess who they are! HAHAHA!

i find the drawing is so super cool!

morning curiosity..

2009-10-08T06:29:00.005+08:00

i know at times, i wonder why haven't i been sleeping early.. it's not thad i'm worshipping FaceBook in anyways but it's just too addictive.. or should i say, the games.. ((:
i've always been a gamer.. from PlayStation 1 to GameBoy Colour (and my mum actually bought me a floral pink) to Computer Games to XBox to Playstation 2 and to Nintendo DS.. i think, thad's about it..and i really missed those times when my bro-in-law and me stayed up till' 0800hrs to 0900hrs just to complete Castlevania.. =DD
thad's when everyone thought i would fail my exams but.. ((:
no comments..

been sick though.. a very bad sign indeed.. the cause is maybe my biology clock has been altered drastically, thinking too thoroughly or just a common flu.. it has been months since i was sick like this.. so maybe, now's the time.. ((:
throat has been treating me like shit.. my runny nose went down abit but i hardly taste all of the good food! thad's the worst thing thad could happen right now.. i try not to think so much about it.. just breathe and continue doing whadever i'm doing.. haiilaaa..

you know.. let's try and talk generally.. i'm not pointing my finger to anyone but let's talk about everyone instead.. ((:
have you guys ever been in a situation whereby you know someone is hating you But he/she is treating you normally.. but at some point of time, his/her sarcasm would hit you like a slap on the face.. anyone or anything felt thad way? anything?! WTFF.. -__-"
my point of view.. ((:
why not if you hate thad person for whadever your reason it maybe, till' you die or something like thad, i would say thad sarcasm Won't be thad effective.. and as for myself, it won't work on me.. talking about thick skinned.. -__-"
i mean isn't it suppose to be "i hate you, it's my business".. not "i hate you, it's everyone's business".. this is whad i call, people who thinks their all thad.. maybe their born with thad kind of attitude but you don't have to relay your sarcasm in front of everyone and make it so funny thad everyone laughed.. -__-"
abit disgusted but hey, not a problem at all.. even if i'm facing such things, i wouldn't have the time to care about all these..

all these are random so anyone reading, just bear with me.. ((:
talking about people changing.. just 1 common sense question to all of you.. do you go around and tell people thad, "Haallloo.. I've changed for the better/worse you know".. *coughed*coughed*
it's the same theory as some people, they proclaimed thad they're humble.. it's the very same theory, only in different context.. i wonder, whad the hell were they thinking man.. they think they know themselves enough? cos' if some would ask me thad, i would answer no cos' everyday in my life people will never stop commenting about me.. whether it's good or bad.. accept them or not, up to you.. ((:
it's ridiculous enough for them to say such things.. so whad do i do when people say thad? i'll laugh oud loud.. literally.. to prove, is up to you but please.. stop going around.. bottomline, stop self-proclaiming such big things.. about yourselves or others.. if something like, "I looked like Adriana Lima" thad's so much different.. hailaaaa.. hairan aku dibuatnye..

it's been too long since i'm awake.. and i think i've blabbered too much already.. whether it's relevant or not, i think i'd talked enough.. oh yes! to thad particular person who's wondering whad do i expect you to say.. it's easy as 1, 2 and 3.. whad's in your head.. not too hard ain't it? ((:

i'm more than you think, compared to your neighbourhood whore..
so choose your ways wisely..
or i'll trap you in my web of questions..
((:

i ♥ all of you..
seriously..
as well as to my haters too..
((:

the best day.. ((:

2009-10-05T13:52:00.005+08:00

and this, will be the picture of the day.. ((:

sorry shamir.. HAHAHA!

it was as planned.. ((:

2009-10-04T03:16:00.003+08:00

The Singles Collection: Ultimate Fan Box Set

anyone care to get me this? this will be available on November 24th.. and like Buza said, it'll cost US$99.. so do your maths.. advance birthday gift? surprise? or whadever you can think of.. HAHAHA! whoever got me this, O...M...G...
i will love you forever! ((:

thads thad.. i went oud with DC yesterday..it was the best outing ever! with FarahZee driving, she almost made me swallow my own balls.. but to think again, i'll be safe.. ((:

i loved all you DC okeh.. don't mind my I-Don't-Bother attitude cos' ya'll understand me better than anyone would.. and now, you understand my dad.. HAHAHA! thad's so funny.. and Farah, don't you ever park the car anyhow okeh? and Eka, don't make me send a letter to Coffee Bean alright?

((:

a man...... i don't think so..

2009-10-03T06:20:00.003+08:00

ignorance, is my worst nightmare.. thad explains why i'm like this.. cos' i know myself better.. i never got mad but maybe a lil' bit jealous when the other party comes in But, thad doesn't really matter.. all thad matter, was you.. i thought you're too much of a guy, with balls.. but sadly, no..

you never tell me how you felt.. you never answer my question.. and most of all, you didnt say anything at all.. so whad do you want me to do now? keep crying for you who kept mum all these while? or better, you don't even want to answer.. i've never cried for someone this bad before.. i've never felt this sad and dissappointed before.. and most of all, i didn't expect thad you would be "Ze'Man".. i guess you still have lots to learn..

to learn to appreciate others.. to learn to answer a question.. and most of all, to be sensitive to other persons' feelings.. so do you still call thad, you've learnt to be man? i think it's more of a jerk.. the least you could do is hit me for the very last time.. talk, text, MSN, on the phone or any ways to communicate with me.. but you just have to bring oud the worst in you.. or was it, there's something thad you want but you're using Me as your medium?

comment on thad, anyone.. cos' you know i never say No to you.. being a Mat Sanggop was my forte but it has been all for you.. you've plucked my very last nerve.. the very last nerve thad was keeping me happy all this while.. but all of other people, it has to be you.. why? i guess you won't answer thad or any of my questions.. this sucked man cos' you know why? a changed man would never go back to his old self - quoted by Mas (by experience)

i would have never expected things to be the other way round.. i was too naive to believed thad you Won't do it.. but you did.. i thought i was prepared, but this was not whad i'm prepared for.. you babe.. of all people you, have to make me cry.. it might not mean a thing to you but you're a million things to me if i could have the chance to explain.. you're forever my sweetest dream and my beautiful nightmare.. but if i could, i would have stopped this.. if only i knew who you really are right now..

i don't expect any apologies but just, get back to me.. and let's talk sense.. yours into mine, mine into yours.. ohhh nevermind..

ps: if you think you're not happy and my harsh words are really harsh, i welcome you to counter.. im just a call away.. ((:

oh man, whad did i got myself into..
im entangled in my own life.. ♥

i'll raise my white flag, for you..

2009-10-02T12:35:00.003+08:00

looking at your face, it sucked.. i was drowned in my own dreams looking at it.. and then i realise.. it's the happiness thad kept me going.. and it's not you.. so people, stop asking.. i rest my case.. your charm kept on killing me.. )):
literally, period..

she's still as lovely as ever.. ((:

was it love i felt? or was it just a fluke?

2009-10-01T17:43:00.003+08:00

The greatest pain that comes from love is; loving someone you can never have.
quoted by - Al Azlan Shah

i have been thinking about this.. it's like having the worst nightmare but only, i'm fully awake then.. it hurts alot when i thought about it but, i'm helpless.. i can do nothing except for expecting the unexpected.. thad'll make my heart skipped a beat, make me sweat unnecessarily or better, i'll smiled unnoticed.. -__-"

but it's a good thing isn't it? you're being happy.. when you're happy with yourself, i'm sure you'll be happy with everyone else.. well, thad's whad i believed.. ((:
cos' when i thought back about it, hasn't it always been like this? keep everything, thinking thad i'll be happy about it.. thad's kinda lame but whad the heck.. and to make it worst is the elaborated confession.. i think till' now, my heart is still skipping some beats just by thinking about it.. and to even to text you today, it kills me to think about it.. -__-"

but hey.. it would have been alright if you don't accept it and you tell me.. but it's not when you just piped down.. i would like to say thad now, the ball's in your court.. would you take up the ball or you would you leave it there, leaving it in a toss-up? honestly, i hate you for this.. and i mean it.. -__-"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
i can't hate you.. i think i've just realised it.. and don't you realise it? it's hard for to get mad at you.. it's hard for me to use harsh words on you.. and it's even way harder for me to avoid you.. and here it comes again.. i think i♥you too much to forget..

DC raye is this weekend.. i've decided to let my ego down and visit my dad with my friends.. is thad a good idea? i think it is.. cos' of me, he haven't been visiting my sisters.. like as if it's my only fault.. -__-"
i think i should really show my hatred towards anyone from now on.. no use covering it up cos' i don't want to be a fake.. show my family who am i really.. the more i cover, the more i hate myself.. cos' i didnt get to hate the other fully.. whad the fuck man! -__-"

has been looking forward to 3Bitches outing.. and as usual, my plan ruined by Street Clap organisor as usual.. so fuck it.. next week then.. okeh Bitches? ((:

i ♥ all of you..
and thad includes my dad.. -__-"

was it you or me?

2009-10-01T11:31:00.002+08:00

it has been days since i avoided myself from you.. well, not exactly days but i kinda got carried away.. it's just so me, get carried away.. and i got embarrassed by my stupid doing.. -__-"
but, i just hoped it didn't put in any other thoughts in your head.. friday, i've yet to inform you the plan.. and Street Clap has been a pain in the ass.. *grrr

had drinking session with Ayeen, Fawrahh and Syahril the other day.. i guess thads when i realise thad we need to talk.. and yes, my hunches has always been right.. ((:
ala-ala i always say, "Kau Makilah Aku Asalkan Kau Bahagie. Satu Hari, Semua Orang Akan Tahu Taik Kau".. ((:

*danced away*
((:

the time has come..

2009-09-28T18:17:00.004+08:00

like some people say, i might've been thinking too much.. i might've been contradicting my thoughts too much.. aren't those two just sounds the same? whad the fuck but i think they do.. -__-"
but for the other to not say anything back to me, it's crazy.. no, i'm going crazy.. a simple appreciation would be nice.. i think i'm expecting too much.. am i expecting too much? i think i'm expecting too much..

maybe i should just give it a rest for now.. read carefully, for now.. and it doesn't mean thad it's totally gone from my head.. it's still inside and i can't help but think about it, about you.. for the fact thad i tried my best to make it understandable, i think i've failed.. im not sure about thad cos' you're the one to judge thad.. never fail to wake up to butterflies in my stomach sensation everytime in the afternoon.. but i know whad's best and whad's not for me.. and this is, right in the middle..

dangg, i hate this sensation.. expecting the worst thad's yet to come and nightmare, please go away? if i knew it's here, i would rather die than live in denial..

your presence to me is like Heaven On Earth..

2009-09-25T06:57:00.002+08:00

like Buza agreed, this song explains every detail of whad im feeling.. which kind of true.. song is prepared with lyrics so feel free to sing-along.. ((:

im going to take all my chances with me and do it.. but i'll just let time take control of everything thads happening.. it might be soon, it might be later so i'll just wait for it.. but i hope thad one of my worst nightmare won't happen.. cos' i believed in you.. thad you'll never leave me alone.. i hope..

the worst thing is thad, the contradictions thad i had been thinking is eating every of my living cell in me.. and i can't wait any longer.. but i have to.. to not rush into my decisions and contemplate every little detail.. it just have to happen now uhh.. cos' for all this while, you're the one whom i've fallen in love with.. neither him nor the other.. it's been years.. hailaaa..

im ready.. ready for the consequences.. to be hurt, which i can withstand as far as i know.. but believe me, it'll kill me if you're to go away.. literally, period..

ps: it's the thoughts thad count..
iloveyou, yet again.. *fuckk

what a shame..

2009-09-22T05:42:00.006+08:00

200909.. a date for me to remember.. the day when i dissappoint myself to a limit where i could just kill myself.. a big dissappointment for me to do this very day, is as shameful as having shit in your face.. but despite the swollen eyes which i came with for the competition, the show must go on.. and when it did, i wasn't myself on stage.. thad was someone else dancing up there..

he was shagged.. his facial expression was horrigible.. he executions of steps was not clear.. in short, he was everywhere.. i know my mind was not on the competition but something else.. something else thad bothered me before.. im sorry if i were to dissappoint anyone in the team or supporters.. and obviously, i wasn't on drugs.. -__-"

but some people kept my spirits up.. whether it's by presence, words of wisdom or anything else.. i thank all of you for thad.. whadever it is, i have to keep going.. everyone have their ups and downs and this, this is part of my downs.. i have to believe thad i can do it once more, to try again and again.. and lastly, im sorry guys.. )):

these are my raye pics.. 1st day had never been so dull and dramatic.. i wouldn't want to elaborate on this.. met my beloved grandma.. i guess, i made her day.. she cried, she kissed, she hugged me like there's no tomorrow.. and i've come to realise how much she misses me.. and of course, loved me.. even though she's so small, i think she is the greatest, bestest grandma i've ever had.. not to forget my maternal side.. she's the best too but i won't be able to meet her again.. )):

i've realised how important this festive season is.. to them old people especially.. and just thinking of them and whoever thad's gone, send chills up my spine and i would start crying.. so, appreciate whoever thads living cos' you might never know when they're next to be gone in your life..

ps: i've yet to go to his place.. -___-"

the aftermath of everything was fine.. alip's there.. had some fun some fun at night.. basically whad im looking for after all those mental breakdown.. and i appreciate you being there.. and you know thad you're my medicine to all the things thad im facing now.. to know thad you're there, it kept me smiling.. thanks mas.. ((:

Mell: Kau lah abg body aku.. Oh tak eh? HAHAHA!

Alip: FUCK! You making me smile in the train mcm org giler! HAHA!

quoted by FarahZee, "loves DC till' death"

2009-09-17T05:58:00.004+08:00

there goes the cheater..
-__-"

and he thinks he has a cooler pose..
whad the hell, Is..

MAMA, MAMA NAK MAKAN!
KEJAP YE NAK..
MAMA PON LAPAR..

trying his best to untie a Dead Knot..

and iqbal claims i don't want to stand still..
but i was changing my pose and he snapped..
-__-"

my favourite..
HAHA!
ps: sorry farah..

the sexy-bra girl..

sabo-ed..
which i'd missed it when running away from him..

Oreo McFlurry and Coke..
both are his favourites..
HAHA!

Eka's avoiding Is big time..

the Chinese Drama couple..
=P

my Epok-Epok..
=DD

just keep blowing..
just keep blowing..
just keep blowing, blowing, blowing..
HAHA!

been together since forever..
((:

since sec 1, according to farah..
we both looked cute..
and the picture is so feeling..
HAHAHA!

according to farah, Scandal No. 1..

according to farah, Scandal No. 2..
i'll be his no. 3 okeh?
HAHAHA!

picture of the day.. ((:

i should shout out, "I'm The Happiest Man Alive!"

2009-09-16T03:34:00.004+08:00

yes i am, apparently.. even if things happened, i am still THMOE! translation: The Happiest Man On Earth.. i won't know how long it'll last but im sure, memories last long enough.. went oud with Alip to shop for himself.. just an overview of whad we did today..

- waited for me for a mere 20mins or more..
- virgin Ion-ing with him..
- got my favourite White Chocolate Dream (Milk Base) from Eka..
- walked to Heeren.. (apparently he thinks there's more choices. -_-")
- searched for 4Skin and it's closed.. (cos' he's wrong. there ain't any choices.)
- walked around and he claims thad he hates 'smart-mamat' apparels.. (but i thought otherwise.)
- walked to Cineleisure and he claims thad he doesnt like Volta too..
- at last, got 1 shirt from Revoltage and thads it..
- went to meet Andreas, got my tongue stud and went for smoke-break..
- decides to play L4D with him and Andreas tagged along..
- took bus to IP.. (which i think, wasted a dollar and all 2 against me.)
- met my dancers, X's Funk were also there..
- proceeded to eat at Long John Silver, PS.. (he was complaining, he always have to eat alone.)
- intercepted with Fie, saw him smiling.. (in my heart, Fie shuddup.)
- smoked outside, i went to practice and he went to meet GF..

thads an overall coverage for my whole day.. ((:
but somethings have to happen.. to be continued in the next post.. in a later date.. misunderstanding? misconcepting? miscommunication? or it's just simply cos' of 1 fucking bastard, this have to happen? you decide.. ((:

Mell: kalau aku pakai heels, mesti lagi lawa..
*bothlaughedandheclaimstohaveseenme-in-dressphotos*

our first time clubbing.. ((:

WOOHOO!

2009-09-09T05:35:00.004+08:00

like at last, im washing my Fila pouch.. thad's been smeared with mcD's garlic chilli sauce.. thanks to Eka.. being dragged around like nobody's business.. and being thrown around like a ball.. i know, tell me about it.. now's the time thad i would really clean everything.. except for Falah's room.. =/

well anws, im so going to get my samping and capal this friday with Massy and the boys at Geylang.. and of course, not my money.. i will ask from him and if he complain about it again, im so gonna shoot.. yes, i will means i will.. i hope we're going to be having much fun there.. cos' as i recall, Geylang during this month, there's nothing you'll be excited for.. except for the S'poreans down there.. i so don't want to explain.. -____-"

going karaoke-ing with the girls later.. like i know, me and my big mouth.. so like Massy said, thad's a very good plan! even if im so looking forward to thad and the thing is, i have to sing.. LOLL! shuddup Ayeen.. yeah, so buke-ing together and straight to Cuppage Plaza.. see ya'll later! and i will be so excited if i could help Ryna's mum to bake those cookies.. im not fasting today! =P

and talking about buke-ing, i missed K.S outing previously.. ):
and i've missed Amirrudin Elprinzey like alot! it's been months since we as a group met each other.. not even bumping to each other outside.. i hope there's another gathering before raye? LOLL! and am so looking forward to 16th, with DC! with my hot ladies and guys, if they're following.. LOLL!

the picture thad i've been contemplating whether or not should i post it up.. LOLL!

happy times..
expecting it real soon..
((:

let it be..

2009-09-06T22:32:00.003+08:00

the dissappointment hit so hard on me.. it felt like tons of fist flew right into my face.. my mind was not in the right state.. i felt like crying my heart oud.. i felt like kneeling on the floor, begging for forgiveness from myself.. for playing with my own emotions.. with my own mind.. having to know thad none of thad would ever happened.. but still, the hope enlightened my everyday mood.. everything is just fake.. and i should say, thad includes you..

when im alone, i cried my heart oud.. *with no sound
letting the anger and dissappointment oud of me so i will feel lighter.. so far, it has already been lighter.. the time spent yesterday was worthwhile and it almost everything oud of my head.. thanks to a whole lot of them.. ((:
well on the contrary, Fantastic Remix got into the finals for Suntec Dance '09.. which is a big thing for me.. and especially to Massy.. ((:

we have to work together to get this going and aim for the best.. ((:

another sad thing is, my dad.. has been such a pain in the ass.. cos' of him, i cried 5mins before break-fasting.. thanks alot dad.. you assume thad i can handle everything and you think you can just be happy about anything.. now i've got the right to say such things.. cos for goddamn 5yrs, i've been buying my own undies.. not even even a single cent from you to buy my own apparels.. so everything is either me or anyone of my sisters.. and if you're telling me to even pay my own Fitrah, i will with no hesitation.. you'll get your punishment..

and to another human is this world.. i give you 3 freaking days to pay up.. if not, swear to god i'll ruin your life.. in and oud.. i've had enough of suffering cos' of you..

and to K.S, im so sorry for not able to make it to today.. im having a hard time now.. im so sorry.. it's all home matter.. i hope u guys understand.. thank you and sorry.. ):

i shall stop, loving you..

friends..

2009-09-02T03:08:00.003+08:00

they're everything to you.. cos' you'll meet them on a regular basis.. you share your experiences.. you share your thoughts.. you share your dirty-little-secrets.. and everything thad you've kept ever since you're home.. who doesn't open up most of your things to your friends right? ((:
they'll helped you in anyways they can and in anything they would.. but all thad matters is, trust..

you choose your friend.. and if you understand it properly, it's a link.. from this person you've trusted, linked to another person and so on and so forth.. thad's my understanding.. but i don't mind not to have alot of friends who gives you nothing but problems.. instead, have afew whom you could rely on and trust them whole-heartedly.. accepting you for who you are and not whad you're not.. and to choose, thad's another problem.. ((:

trust can be broken at any time of the season.. whether you're asleep or simply running your everyday life.. and from trust, we talk about backstabbing.. we might never know if someone is wearing a mask over them.. to show whad they're not.. and they'll just strike up on you're back, off-guard.. we might never know.. i had some of mine so i've learnt my lesson.. seriously, i did.. and to whoever who tried to, please.. i've had enough..

and back to my life, mostly spent with Massy and Ryna.. watched The Last House On The Left with them and Fir.. and thad show, literally twisted my stomach like nobody's business.. it's was sadistic.. and it's the 1st sadistic and gory show which im interested to watch again.. ((:
and another thing, met Ayeen and Fie while in the train on my way back.. like we're Fated or something! -__-"
so thad sums up my whole day.. and playing Stress with Hakim, is just like playing with a Golem.. with rock fists.. it's hurts my hands like fcuk.. LOLL!

and when i was walking back home, i missed my boys very much.. especially, You-Know-Who.. but in all, i've missed all of them and to meet them again.. it's just awkward.. it's been 2yrs now since i've meet them.. yes, 2yrs.. haisss.. )':
my fault..

meet up soon, i guess?
and looking forward to Sunday..
=DDD

great day..

2009-08-30T16:25:00.004+08:00

it was the happiest day of my life.. but the last name to be called for the semi's, it was nerve wrecking.. i was on the verge of breaking fast on the spot.. but it saved me from thad wrong doing.. ((:
how happy i was, noone knows.. well, i was proud of myself for maintaining on stage, being able to carry oud my costume IF there's any.. and most of all, it was e most beautiful item i'd every performed for! well apart from the auditions.. =DD

breaking fast was shit.. me, Massy and the boys had to actually wait for 1hr for our foods to be served.. and unfortunately, me and Bo's food were the last 2 to be served.. among all of us or maybe, among the whole customers there.. it was at Kampong Glam Cafe.. i swear i was on the verge of ranting my anger on either the cook or the waiter.. or should i say, the very Boddo and Asal-Kan-Boleh waiter.. i swear, i shall Not breakfast Nor step into thad place again..

trust me.. i was expecting you.. Not anonymously.. ((:
i'vemissedyou so badly already..
and i think the love is still there..
Fucker-Doma!

ps: video is on the side-link dropdown.. ((:

KAU PIKIR?!?!?!

2009-08-28T03:22:00.002+08:00

I HAD NEVER BEEN ANGRY LIKE THIS ALL MY LIFE..

1STLY, MY COSTUME MALFUNCTION HAS DONE ENOUGH TO ME ALREADY.. WHICH SUCKED BIG TIME, EARLY IN THE FUCKING MORNING.. AND TO ADD SALT TO THE WOUND, I GOT SOMETHING REALLY USEFUL..

PUKIMAK KAU JANTAN KEPARAT TAKDE HARGE DIRI YANG TAK TAU MENGENAL JASE ORANG KECUALI KAU SENDIRI.. KAU PIKIR AKU PANDANG BARANG-BARANG YANG KAU BELIKAN AKU?! KAU INGAT AKU JANTAN SIAL MACAM SEMUE JANTAN KAU KENAL KAT LUAR? EH BABE SORRY AHH.. AKU ADE HARGA DIRI.. LEBIH DARI KAU, SAD TO SAY..

KENAPE TAIK KAU KAU TKNK CERITE TAPI TAIK AKU YG ORANG BUAT-BUAT KAU CERITEKN PADE ORG LAEN? OHH KIREKAN KAU MANE NYE BAGOS BAGI AKU ALA-ALA, U'RE THE ONE FOR ME? KEPALA BUTO! I TELL YOU THIS AND YOU BETTER LISTEN UP BITCH.. I LOVED YOU FOR THE FUCKING WHO YOU ARE REGARDLESS WHAD OTHER THOUGHT OF YOU REMEMBER THAD..

NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRIED TO NOT ACCEPT THE FACT.. AKU DAH TKNK BUAT MASALAH DGN KAU, KAU YG CARIK MASALAH DGN AKU? OH, SEEKING ATTENTION FROM ME? HOLY MOTHER IM NOT EVEN CLOSE.. HAROS AKU CERITEKN HAL TAIK KAU PADE ORG LAEN CUME AKU TK KUASE KERANE KAU DAH MEMANG TAIK!

READ THIS CAREFULLY AND HARD.. CONTINUE AND LISTEN TO PEOPLE WHICH YOU ALWAYS DO.. TELL PEOPLE ABOUT WHAD AM I TO YOU WHICH IS NOT TRUE.. AND KEEP YOUR SHITS TO YOURSELF TILL YOUR GRAVE.. BUT ACCEPT THE FACT, YOU'LL NEVER GET OVER ME.. THERE'S NOONE IN THIS WORLD WOULD ACCEPT YOU EXCEPT FOR YOUR FREAKING PATHETIC DICK.. DONT TALK TO ME ABOUT BULAN YANG MULIE.. YOU WILL FEEL IT ONCE IT HIT YOU BACK.. AND IM WAITING FOR THE DAY WHEN YOU WOULD CRAWL BACK UP TO MY FEET AND I SHALL SPIT IN YOUR PATHETIC FACE.. TRUST ME.. I WILL..

im done..

don't take Temptation as an Opportunity..

2009-08-27T02:37:00.006+08:00

8/27/2009

02:10:28

[c=19].Massythura[/c]

dia ala-ala mcm he's so busy looking for the right one when the person is actually right in front of him

quoted by Massy..

i can take the whole day just to talk about you.. in and out.. only now, it's just not you thad im talking about cos' you're a total different person.. well, not totally but abit of glitches here and there.. ((:
im in love, all over again.. not all over you but just expecting the unexpected.. i got all excited just having the thought of you in my head.. excited like, goosebumps.. just like how i felt when i heard Britney's opening Circus Tour.. why ahh?!?! i can kill myself like, right now! -__-"

i have to get paint.. for my costume.. decides to paint rather than wasting my money on patches which will cost me more than 2bucks.. no, this is not cheapskate but just saving cost.. knowing thad im broke for now, might as well i squeeze oud my creative juices and help myself.. right people? ((:
ganas or not, i have to at least try.. going all oud for costume but not much effort.. andreas is helping me also.. thanks andreas.. and let the rest be a surprise alright? =D

announcement: Fantastic Remix will be competing this Saturday, 29th August 2009 for Suntec Dance Heats '09.. venue will be @ Suntec City, Galleria and starts at 1300hrs.. do come down and give your full support to everyone.. the circus freaks will give you the feast of your life.. ((:

im so excited!
iloveyou, still..

imaginations went wild..

2009-08-25T01:38:00.002+08:00

the day when Ryna and Fir got married to each other..

Massy will be Ryna's bridesmaid and Mell will be Fir's best man.. *best man lah sangat
everything went so well, nicely planned oud, fabolous decorations, perfectly cooked buffet.. it's like a dream came true for dear Ryna.. when it's time, all four of them walked down the same aisle and all took their seats.. accordingly from left, Massy, Ryna, Fir then Mell.. everyone was clapping and cheering, i'm not sure about jeering but everyone was so happy for dearest Ryna and Fir..

and suddenly, Massy shouted at Mell.. "Ehhhh can stop playing or not! Fan us properly lahh!", in Shahrul's teacher's accent.. Mell was honestly not playing around and he knew, Massy was day dreaming.. instead of Ryna & Fir, the wedding was Massy & BooBoo.. so she was practically day dreaming and guess whad.. she start pinching Mell.. and withoud any hesitation, he tried to mould her titties to star-shape.. they don't care about the people watching and continued.. so withoud any hesitation, Ryna & Fir stood up and gave their seats to us.. Mell was dumbstruck and again, Massy imagined Mell as BooBoo.. it's as if Massy was in a trance cos' all she wanted was to seat on the bride's chair.. -__-"

we're not sure how but BooBoo and Alip were such close friends.. and they looked at the both of them in awe.. instead of begging Massy to change her mind, he sat beside Mell.. and Alip beside Massy.. so there goes the wedding ceremony and BooBoo was crying by Mell's side.. so on thad spot, BooBoo turned gay and went to Alip.. and according to Mell, he can't let such a thing happened.. it's outrageously ridiculous.. so he went berserk and instead of stopping BooBoo, he grabbed both of the guys and went away.. not sure where, but away..

and then, Ryna & Fir got their seats back.. and the both them were finding for Massy.. and she's nowhere to be found! but Ryna caught Massy with her eye.. she was busy by the buffet table.. Massy looked around and saw Ryna looking at her and Massy said, "Whadd?!?! I'm hungryyy!!". so thad's the whole story.. ((:

the end..

thad was really random man.. thanks to ryna who suddenly said, I WANT TO GET MARRIED.. such weird friends i have.. -__-"
and i can't believe, Ryna was mistaken all this while.. she hasn't been listening very closely to me.. and all the while she thought i was talking about thad Someone else.. -__-"
so all this while, she thought thad i contacted with another person.. but instead, it was the other one.. HAHAHAHA!
stupid girl..

well, goodnight everyone!
((:

yearning for more..

2009-08-21T10:39:00.002+08:00

well, i've just realised thad someone had the same colour scheme as mine.. i know, thads so copycat right? HAHAHA! i don't care, GO AND CHANGE! >:-(
another thing i've realised thad, i missed my DS big time.. technically, it's mine.. and to a particular someone who had to think for themselves, sold it.. whad to do.. very burok siku.. get it? fie, ayeen.. buruk siku? HAHAHA! okeh enough..

i have been deciding.. and i've decided.. you'll receive a text from me very soon now.. again to remind you, im not interested.. actions are too hard to be seen so might as well it's either written or verbal.. i'm sorry if i have to do this to you cos' im messed up right now.. i will explain more in details soon.. please don't think of me the otherwise? ((:

jam packed with things at the moment.. so i have to focus and prepare for the worst.. ((:
may god bless me.. *chehh

i dreamt of you, yet again..
really have to stop this, but im loving it..
((:

probably, the happiest day of my life..

2009-08-20T03:51:00.003+08:00

tell me about it.. who wouldn't right? i was relaxing at home, helping myself with FaceBook, Windows Live and Wavepad and randomly, someone came online.. chit chat abit and talked about work and yada yada.. **** went to take MC cos' ****'s just too lazy to go back to camp.. which is so redundant to be telling me all thad, seriously.. and i was taken aback by whad **** said next.. like i could just lean on the wall and climbed up on my back.. *nak comic jerr

**** wanted to come over.. my heart raced like nobody's business and apparently, i didnt get to meet **** for quite sometime actually.. Vvvvvvery long time.. ((:
and so at the moment, i was getting abit paranoid as to why **** wanted to.. so **** said this and thad yada yada.. so im like, Come Lah.. =P
i was actually bathing and **** said **** kinda forgot where i stayed and i was taking my time replying.. and **** said he's already at the lift and was asking which storey.. *this part, very redundant but just bare with me alright..
opened my door and there **** is.. i beamed in the afternoon light like nobody's business.. alright, not thad obvious cos' i thought i might freak **** oud.. =D

and so we talked, we surfed, I downloaded songs and videos so on and so forth.. only important details will be kept with me.. sorry.. =/

seriously, i don't care whad we're doing or whad we planned.. the only thing i understood is thad, ****'s there.. just there, right in front of me.. the days thad ****'s been missed by me had totally gone.. and i thought thad my life had just passed afew years ahead.. i was having a time of my life even by smiling to myself.. everytime i looked, my heart literally skipped a beat.. *chehh drama
and thanks to you, i prefer all the straight cuts but not the boots.. no meaning but please just bear with me.. ((:

it was just like old times.. seriously.. but abit change due to NS.. -__-"
guys, im going to be like thad but Not thad obsessed.. but still, i've been loving everything about it.. the whispers.. the jokes.. it's just, it's still old school.. mass and ryna saw my reaction when they did something.. HAHAHA! thad was hilariously funny and it just happened.. they actually imagined it.. or rather, me.. LOLL! =D
hailaaamaaallaaaa.. i was foolishly happy and i knew whad i was happy about.. cos' you're just there.. ((:

ps: i didn't take temptation as a opportunity.. ((:

M: dah amek MC pegilah balek tidor klau ngantok sangat..
A: dah tk balek camp n dpt MC, might as well spend my time wisely..
M: *thought: by meeting me?* *melts*

im giving free loves!
((:

it's great isn't it? ((:

2009-08-17T06:22:00.003+08:00

let's start off with the juiciest news of all.. Fantastic Remix got through to the next round for Suntec Dance 2009.. ((:
video is up on FaceBook.. do support us alright? well anws, another juicy news.. thanks to reporters and my own eyes.. im so glad thad whadever's happening now, it's just going back to square one.. and im glad because, im no longer in the circle.. ((:
it's freaking contradicting and i know it myself.. it hurts badly deep inside but i've learnt to put everything aside.. and i mean, everything.. so i guess im just a ragged doll.. you rant your anger and everything else on me but deep inside, i never know whad you're feeling.. and after you threw me away, you do things otherwise.. but reality check, nothing worked as well as you planned.. ((:

well enough of thad.. i am in love, honestly.. im deeply in love with myself.. wait, it's no longer love but it's more to obsessed.. HAHA! i never knew thad i could fall in love with myself more than anyone do.. ((:
thad's one thing i've learnt so far.. the thing thad i've failed to learn in the past.. but most of all, i have true friends.. true friends thad'll stick with me till' the end.. true friends thad thought me alot of things.. they made it possible for me to forget.. ((:

on the contrary, i've been practicing for Suntec Dance like crazy for the past week.. but we made it.. with practices less than 5days i think.. last minute changes but still, we all went berserk on stage.. HAHAHA! whad a word to use.. and for the very 1st time, my hair went up for this competition.. yes with only small bottle of hairspray.. thanks to BooBoo a.k.a Phat a.k.a Fathu.. =D
and another i love on thad day is, my hair.. HAHAHA! i think mas got abit irritated but she didn't show much.. so i kept on going and say 'i love my hair.. cos' BooBoo do for me.. next time, must ask BooBoo do already'.. =X
so i accompany mas to her performance at Expo Hall 2.. it was for Siglap's 50th anniversary and National Day celebration.. and we had a wonderful time together, bitching, laughing and starving ourselves till' 2100hrs.. and for the whole day, i only ate 2 Curry'O from Old Chang Kee.. -__-"

and so i ended my day with mas, phathu, pek, adzrey and adi lepaking at w'lands.. and went back to ayeen's.. but the story of my hair didn't end there.. HAHAHA! i was too tired to wash my hair thad i went to sleep right after The Haunting in Connecticut.. and woke up and stayed late till' about 2200hrs.. and by then, we're suppose to leave the house already.. i haven't even take my bath and i have to leave w/o bathing.. so conclusion, i left my hair as it is for 2days.. HAHAHA! thads how much i appreciated my hairdo.. LOLL! =D
sorry mas..

well now, here i am.. gaming and blogging and planning to stay home all day cos' haven't topped up my ez-link.. tell me about it.. well later dudes!

ps: please do text me sometime.. im yearning for any means of contact with you.. puhh-leasee?

how about this?

2009-08-10T19:18:00.002+08:00

i was less than convinced thad im safe.. i was less than convinced when my plans were thrown away, just like thad.. and i was less than convinced to continue anything, just anything.. don't worry, i've never trusted any of them.. ((:
i think it will take me more than to travel the world, to earn those trusts.. but why would i care you asked? cos' people tried to convince me.. but someone as rotten as me, i would prefer to hold on to my believes..

and to the rest of you, im sorry.. i truly am.. ):

((:

2009-08-03T14:14:00.004+08:00

had a blasting 3days at the Pasir Ris Costa Sand Resort, celebrating Fie's 22nd birthday.. it was well planned indeed.. even though im not thad involve but i won't forget how i'd to carry the speakers to and fro around town.. HAHAHAHA! from home to polyclinic, from polyclinic to city hall, from city hall to DXO, from DXO to raffles city's mcD, from raffles city's mcD to supper club, from supper club to chalet and chalet back home.. -__-"

but thanks to haiqal for approving my favour and phat who thinks im going to Kelantan.. but seriously, Kelantan was never needed.. -__-"

i was pissed at the fact thad i waited.. shouldn't have..

pictures uploaded in FB.. see all of you really soon!

=DD

whad's all this?

2009-07-28T12:20:00.002+08:00

i thought i was going to have a good day.. i thought i was not going to think about nothing else, other than Harry Potter and me.. but you just have to make me think, yet again.. well im not blaming anyone but seriously, you really made my brain all fuzzy wuzzy.. -__-"
i need time.. time to get use to all of this.. you're being plain ignorant but hell, who cares?! well i do, for now.. maybe in months or years, i'll just forget about all this.. i should and i must.. i'll try.. ((:

fasting month is coming up.. and im so not looking forward for the celebration this year.. don't know why and don't care why.. nothing's too interesting to look forward for.. all the same thing, same procedure.. maybe i should just try to get in the zone as anyone else would and try to make it as happening as ever.. with the nephews and nieces.. with the mum and sisters.. and even the bro-in-laws.. not to forget the friends.. DC, KS and maybe Freak Case.. ((:
but for sure, im looking forward to fasting month.. LOLL!

this is so not going to link anywhere.. but im just typing it cos' i feel like it.. Decision Making.. thad's the most important factor in our lives.. true? whadever the situation is, you'll have to choose.. either if it's for your best or any other reasons.. my opinion is thad, decision making is part of individuals which made them who they are.. and of cos' where their loyalty lies in.. ((:

you can't just make the situation fit into you but make yourself instead, fit into the situation.. if you were to make the situation fit into you seriously, you're lying to yourself.. well, thads whad i think.. and thad way, you're neither helping yourself nor others.. don't try to take it as if the weight of the world is on your shoulder when you're deciding on something.. take it as a challenge of life.. challenge yourself and others, to be a great person but not the otherwise..
it does feel lil' bad or rather, very bad if you're to choose this instead of others.. cos' it's your decision.. but i repeat, to make the situation fit into you, it's just wrong.. there's always pros and cons factors.. it's either you win or lose, gain or lost.. no such thing, win and lose.. -__-"
think about it.. don't blame people for making you to make a decision.. i've been making decision for whole of my life and i'd never regret any of them.. well, maybe 1 or 2 but most of all, i've fulfilled the meaning of life.. to choose.. ((:

Freak Case has been great.. great presence, great comments.. thads whad i've been looking for.. for the very 1st time, i think we've created a great dance crew.. with great people and great spirit.. most of all, great effort.. maybe it's just how much fun you had when you're dancing, made it possible.. yes, i think so too.. winning or losing is the other factor.. as long as we had a great time on stage, everything is fine.. dissappointment is always there but with these people, it subsided just as quick as ebbing water.. -__-"
everyone have their rise and fall but don't worry, we will be rising everytime.. cos' all of you made it happened.. ((:
The Queen, The Martian, The Dobby and The Nigga.. and The Sheiderrmaa..

Keep Up The Good Work.. ((:
videos will be up soon..

iloveyou..
still, missing you like crazy..

'great' count: 7
-__-"

reminisce..

2009-07-20T17:18:00.008+08:00

it's amazing how much my brain can store memories.. memories thad weren't meant to be in my brain anymore.. memories thad weren't meant to be remembered anymore.. it's so strong thad i've failed to erase them completely..

i had a dream.. not exactly a dream, but more of a memory.. memories of my pasts.. and most of all, i dont understand whad im feeling right now.. it has to be frustrating cos' it's the freaking past.. -__-"

i still remember the days when you never fail to text me.. even if it's early in the morning.. or late at night..

i still remember how you've cared for me.. even if it's the smallest thing.. you even bring me oud for lunch when i was very ill on 1 particular occasion.. and not to forget, the random supper.. ((:

i still remember the days when you would comeby my place, almost every night.. slept over and the oh-so-good-feeling to wake up in the morning, with you at the side.. *even if it's inches away

i still remember the days when we would laugh at nothing.. nothing at all.. just the two of us..

i still remember how sweet you were.. even if there's someone else, you're still as sweet as ever.. it's like a hidden talent, all shown..

i still remember the day when i finally pour oud my feelings.. thad was wicked and of cos' stressful.. and as for you, you're still as relaxed as ever.. and the after-math, was something i wouldn't want to forget.. ((:

and most of all, i still remember how you felt.. when i went to someone else.. thought thad you would do nothing.. so i just went away..

question; will all these be happening again? will there be chances thad i could turn back time for this? will there be a chance for us to be like always?

i'vemissedyou like crazy..

im weird.. -__-"

2009-07-15T05:20:00.002+08:00

yes farahzee.. you guys won't missed anything happened in my life.. and you know how much i need all of you even though we rarely meet nowadays.. ((:
so just don't worry too much about me.. just bitch about if you guys want 'cos, thads whad we usually do.. bitch about one another.. thinking of ideas whad might happened and consolidate every detail.. *mcm aku tk kenal korg
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! =DD
and no thads not sarcastic okeh..

yes like the title says.. im pretty much weird in some ways.. i looked through all of my archives.. yes i have loads of time now.. tell me about it.. -__-"
looking at how i explained things, it's a wonder thad people still understood whad im trying to say.. 'cos i've realised, i explained things in the most weirdest way ever.. OMFG! i just realised it though.. is thad a bad thing? im not sure.. LOL!

for example, the pillars.. not concrete lah.. whadever to all those details thad i've tried to elaborate.. i actually laughed to myself.. HAHAHAHAHA! it's just so funny.. i can't believe thad i've such weird imaginations running in my head.. LOL! well for now, i've been busy doing up both my dance and work resume.. new ones i mean.. and of course, Harry Potter marathoning.. =DDD

anws, i've got my answer to the my own question in the post below.. i decide not to bring any of the pillars home.. ((:
period..

iloveu DC!
((:

i don't know where to start..

2009-07-09T04:39:00.002+08:00

it's been months since i've updated this thing.. yeah the same old post down there, boringg.. things has been going smooth for me.. im talking about the life im living.. it has been rough partying with all the party go-ers.. HAHAHAHA! -__-"
sometimes, i felt thad it's better to just live withoud realising whadever you're doing in this world.. you just keep going on and on and when you come to a tired point, you stop.. you wouldn't have to feel embarrassed, angry, sad and all of the available emotions in this world.. it's like you want soto ayam, with mee kuning.. -__-"

don't mind the craps.. just listen and listen hard.. don't comment and don't ermm.. comment.. it has been a tough journey.. but being the ass-kicking bitch on my own, i managed to get it through.. even if i had the hardest time of my life trying to explain myself, detailed enough for you to understand.. all im trying to say is thad, i won't regret a single day i spent my time with you.. but all of this, has got to go immediately.. i don't want to be sent to IMH due to a relationship malfunction.. ((:
i can uphold myself for as long as i want.. my defense line is still on and you can keep blaming me me, if thad made you feel way better.. i don't mind.. but obviously, don't cross the line.. i remember every single conversation we had, every argument thad we had.. fresh inside my head.. but i doubt you will understand whadever i said here.. haisss.. *interpreter puhh-leaseee

i've had enough of the enough.. let this just be this way.. no alterations, no add-ons, just this.. you can do whadever you like and i can stay home all day.. -__-"
now all i want to do is watch and realise.. and learn.. and understand.. maybe not only about you but everyone else.. and i'll be ecstatic if anyone could hold a tuition for the meaning of NO.. haissss.. -__-"
one after another.. whad to do.. just my luck.. don't want to talk about this..

have you ever got stucked in between 2 close pillars? just keep thinking along thad line.. between 2 close pillars.. well, imagine thad pillars could talk and react at the same time.. and whadever you do, affects both.. even if you tried to squeeze oud, you're somehow hurting yourself and the pillars.. *imagine they are not concrete
you're emotionally attached to both cos' their designs are remarkable, both stunning and creative.. well obviously, one is better than the other.. let's just say, you don't have any other choice but to choose one.. how do you choose? ((:
thads the question which completes the whole situation.. and thads where i would start to squeeze my brain real hard and think of it only as part of my life experiences.. i really have to get oud of there and bring home either one of the pillar..

this is so weird.. very weird.. i hope we can talk about this.. and i mean talk, verbally.. facing each other, into each other's eyes and tell each other whad we actually felt.. im waiting for thad day.. and thad will be the day when our personal thoughts against each other, gone.. 1 pillar at a time please.. i can't take both at 1 time.. ((:
make the 1st move, and i'll be happy to join in..

thads something i guess.. think about whadever you guys thought im writing about.. cos' i'll know if it's true or not.. ((:
and it's not whad you guys would think it is.. seriously..

missing dc like crazy..
ayeen, fie and wardah, really don't want to watch Harry Potter? i can go twice.. ((:
and you, i still need my answer.. and im waiting for thad day.. ((:

whadever it is, iloveu guys to the freaking damn core..
thank you for being there even if you're against me, big time..
((:

why am i always 'the' accused?

2009-06-13T09:42:00.002+08:00

there's no more use for explanations.. i tried every ways and rounds to make you understand even a 'lil bit.. but no matter how hard i tried again and again, the blame has yet to be on me.. whad are you trying to show? whad are you trying to tell? most of all, whad are trying to do to me? let me say something, you make yourself confuse..

you blame me for the wrong reasons.. the reasons thad are hardly noticeable and harmful.. the reasons which i've already explained to you, yet again and again.. but you made yourself confuse by confusing yourselves with your thoughts.. -_-"
you made me chose for the wrong choices.. between him/her or you.. seriously, WTFF! thads the most ridiculous thing i've ever heard in my whole life.. and why i didnt answer you question? it's bcos' the answer is right in front of your face but yet, you failed to see again.. why is thad so??

i tried my very best to not let things get out of hand.. i tried to keep the secrets thad im not suppose to know.. and im trying to save my own arse from all the misery again but in the end, the accusations was on me.. it's really frustrating and it's killing me, big time.. sorry but i don't show my emotions thad easily but i can tell you this, you'll never understand how i really felt for you.. cos' maybe, the way you felt for me was different all along.. or maybe i should say, intentions.. it's disappointing when a friend of yours talked to me about it which i think, not a wrong move.. he made me think also and at the same time, being honest is not always the way.. maybe, thads the way you chose..

insecurities are coming back.. all gushing in like a hole in a dam.. i couldn't take it anymore.. you're taking things too lightly and blaming me blindly.. let's just say, something happened behind my back.. which i think im not suppose to know but i knew about it.. and most of all, im not a living slut like some others oud there..

ps: my heart will always have a hole in it, no matter how hard i did try to mend it..

iloveyou..
all of you..

misery..

2009-06-05T17:21:00.002+08:00

the blog's getting dusty already.. it's been weeks since i've last posted something on my dusty blog.. it's so dusty thad i can sneeze right now.. freaking dusty thad it disturbs me cos' it's dusty.. freaking, motherF.ingly, dusty.. -_-"

all i can right now is, the life just couldn't get any worse.. from family to relationship and to friends.. all bcos' of 1 freaking reason.. me.. it sounded as if it's my own mistake but it's not.. well partly it's mine but i just can't help myself.. it somehow got embedded in my nature.. -_-"
to make it worse, some misunderstood me big time.. which i think, not their fault but still their fault.. LOL!

well on the brighter side, i don't have to wait for new year to have some fun.. *if you know whad i mean* it's been cut down to another 3weeks to finish everything.. ((:
im so excited and after all thad, i'll be assign to ICA, again to gain some income for myself.. well rather than i rot at home with nothing to do.. and there's nothing to dance about right now.. which i hope, someone will just call me up soon enough.. LOL!

it's been great staying home, nowadays.. with the kids to trouble me every morning in my sleep.. with them irritate me every now and then.. it's just so, family.. -_-"
it's been very nice, even though their F.ingly irritating to the bottom of my heart.. games are my only companion during the stay home marathon sh*t.. and not to forget, my 'qwerty' phone.. ((:

and yes, i've been moody for the past few days.. im sorry but i let it oud on the wrong person.. but i can't help myself cos' why? you always have the wrong reasons to find my fault.. and wait, not only thad.. you always find the wrong facts to blame me.. which i don't blame you cos' i didnt explain.. but still! you could have asked me before accusing.. i hoped you've learnt your lesson cos' so far, i did.. ((:
nothing's going to be possibly wrong if we can consolidate our faults and make us stronger.. well, i hope.. if your intentions are different, i might not know even.. so good luck to the both of us.. ((:

iloveyou..

the days i regretted living..

2009-05-19T00:48:00.003+08:00

this is the day when we're totally shagged.. yes, literally unglam quoted by Din.. went home with slouched shoulders and 'busuk' faces.. the 1st time putting up a Hindustan dance.. but luckily, it was uncles and unties watching.. ((:

washed some huge woks and utensils.. WAHHH! whad a day i tell you.. it damn fun but yet, tiring like fuck.. i fell asleep from Bedok interchange till' Woodlands interchange.. i know, like pig.. but whad the hell.. i had loads of fun there.. LOL!

one confession thad i would like to make.. i regretted ignoring you.. and anyone thad i tried to.. im sorry guys.. i shouldn't have.. yes it might be joke but its a huge thing for me.. but i promise, to not let it get to me too much.. ((:

iloveyou..

it's hard..

2009-05-16T16:34:00.003+08:00

it is very hard when you have something bad.. and to make it harder, it's hard for you to tell some people.. and to make it way harder, it's hard for you to make them understand your situation.. isnt all thad hard enough already? -__-"
i just hope thad for one freaking time, understand my situation.. and i don't care whad you going to do.. but just make sure thad you get your facts right before jumping to conclusions.. and f.y.i, you do thad alright.. -__-"

enough about thad.. the things really got into me and my family.. one word, very concern.. alright no, thads 2words.. and to make it worse, im stressed up about this freaking thing.. very rare for me but it did, in someways.. i can't stop thinking and monday's the only day for me to confirm all this stressful moments.. very emo.. -__-"

things have been very smooth.. so far, it has been though.. im not sure or maybe, im being all tensed up and cranky about my own problems.. and furthermore, you're very persistent.. -__-"
well, can't deny thad though.. as persistent as you are, you're still kind at heart.. i hope thad stays all the way.. ohh fuck im all oud of words.. i have nothing to update anymore.. sorry..

iloveu..

i wish..................

2009-05-12T17:40:00.002+08:00

like at last, i've completed my NS medical checkup recently.. which took me a mere 2hrs and surprisingly, thad was fast.. got a lil' dizzy after they poke both of my arms for the blood test but everything was fine after thad.. ((:

like at last, i gotta meet farahzee today.. we storied like always and i got a confession farah.. i almost slept when you talked about your instructors.. HAHAHAHA! =X
but you made me so anxious to meet them.. LOL! no, like seriously.. the way you described them was like, WOWW! i have to follow you one day, girl.. like seriously.. =P
but seriously, just forget about Him okeh? just move on as if he's not coming back.. cos' a guy like him, don't deserve a Woman like you.. trust me.. just like any of them said, if there is any girl like you out there, i'll worship her.. GAGAGAGAGA! thad sounds stupid.. -__-"

you're one hot, independent woman who don't need any man by your side.. cos' thads whad all my girls are.. so don't worry about any guys leaving you for some stupid reasons and sulk the whole day.. be positive to yourselves and live life to the fullest.. ((:
i love everyone of you: i'syah, eka, ewin and farah.. (well including is but, he's not a girl so yaa..)
do remember alright? and puhhh-leaseee update us with whadever you guys do.. cos' i really need an update about your stupid lives.. HAHAHAHAHA! =P

well on the other side, im glad to announce thad i am in love.. but, im not sure if im really, really, really ready for all of this.. let me just point oud some benefits of being single..

1. being able to do everything you wanted..
2. being able to go anywhere you wanted..
3. being able to be with your friends all the time..
4. being able to like anyone even though it's just for fun..
5. and to all to the above, withoud anyone sticking with you all the time..

im just worried thad i might hurt you in this process of getting away from my single life.. im so used to this thad i sometimes, do it withoud noticing.. i know how much you loved me but just give me sometime please.. as long as im still in contact with you, there's no way thad im going to anyone else.. trust me on this and don't worry for me, unnecessarily. i can take care of myself well enough and you can count me on thad.. ((:
for once, don't jump to conclusions like how i did and trust me like how i've trusted you.. okeh not exactly but just do so cos' life would be much better for the both of us for now.. it will get even better if i'd overcome all of this.. trust me.. ((:

and of cos' again, i love all you.. ((:

):

2009-05-07T11:59:00.000+08:00

im just sad thad it happened..
im just sad thad i trusted..
it's just, saddening..

you make me sick..

2009-05-07T10:33:00.002+08:00

i was woken up by the irritating cries, early in the fucking morning.. and all i could do was shouting at them and show thad im irritated big fuck time.. -__-"
i seriously need my sleep.. break outs everywhere and you can imagine how my face looked like.. red-polka-dot-sores everywhere and it's either oud or forming.. FUGG! i know, tell me about it.. it has been days since i had a goodnight sleep.. it's either im oud or im just plain Facebook-ing.. maybe i should send an email to the management..

Dear Facebook Management,
I think it's really time for you to limit my access to Facebook each day.. Im hooked up, big time with it and i can't stop playing all the applications there.. It's like a drug to me and addiction is the only word to describe.. Sorority Life.. Restaurant City.. Stupid Quizzes.. It's driving me insane! Please do something about it to save me from myself..

Thank you,
MellySong

ya'll think thads going to work? i really hope so.. so at least, i could have my 1st beauty sleep anytime this week.. and this is called DES-PE-RA-TION! i know im weird.. someone who's desperate for sleep.. goshh im crapping early in the morning.. -__-"
so many things i had to think about.. so many things thads due-ing.. so i better get on track back as soon as possible, if god let me.. =/

dating is just another get to know session to me.. and going further than getting to know, is not dating.. -__-"
i've made my decision to date.. but thad doesn't mean you can have everything you want.. it's time when i really get in control of things and it's really time to take control of myself.. im not doing all this blindly cos' my decision do affect people.. so i have to do this carefully.. i don't want to hurt you or anyone in the process.. so if i say yes, means yes.. and if i say no, means no.. take it or leave it.. ((:

now, both of my precious memories and my part-time lover are gone.. due to your selfishness.. it won't matter if you could have just asked for my permission.. but well the thing is now, you didnt.. whad if i don't ask anything about it? so you would just keep quiet and go on like nothing's been happening? FUGG! i just wonder when will you freaking change! -__-"
oh i forgot, never! from whad i know, memories are nothing to you so stop talking as if you cared so much about them.. when im already emotionally-attached to those things, you just have to do it.. get me another one? let me tell you.. IT'S NOT THE SAME ANYMORE! -__-"
just don't involve me into any of your things anymore.. you've cleared whad you supposed to and im done, forever..

been missing people nowadays.. my dancemates.. my friends.. my bestfriends.. and time has been really cruel to me.. thank you so much..

i love all of you..

swine flu..

2009-04-29T03:18:00.004+08:00

i got this mindset.. you got bird flu, you will have all the characteristics of a crazy bird.. and when you have swine flu, you will have all the characteristics of a crazy pig.. -__-"
and fawrahh and syahril said thad when i was practicing just now.. and i seriously, wondered why the hell, SWINE FLU.. did i dance like a crazy pig?! hmm to think back, i actually did went all crazy just now and you know whad, i couldn't stop myself.. =DD
the adrenaline rush was all over inside and i could hardly say STOP, just like how Britney Spears did.. -__-"

just imagine this.. you're down with either bird of swine flu and all of you know thad it's really fatal.. and you die cos' of it.. and when you die, you will be reincarnated into either birds or pigs.. -__-"
thad's when my imagination go really wild.. WE SHOULD KILL ALL OF THE BIRDS AND THE PIGS! *evil laughs
but a'an reminded me, chicken is our source of food and it's his favourite.. thads when i forget thad chicken falls under the category of birds.. -__-"
then i decided, all birds except chickens.. well maybe ducks n swans too.. HAHAHAHA! =DD

i was hyper today.. very hyper.. talking craps.. being crappy during dance practice.. laughed like nobody's watching but infact, everyone was watching me.. -__-"
i don't care really.. i want to be crazy.. live life to the fullest.. thads whad i wanted for myself.. be happy neverending, forever and ever.. but things just to happen right? SHITS!

decisions are pending.. chances are onhold.. it's sad for things to happen and it's sad thad i'm involved and i have to sacrifice for something i loved so much.. besides thad, people using my name for their own protection which i think, not fair.. you need to deal with reality sucker now i tell you.. use my name, go on and like i care if i got into something big.. -__-"
all im going to do is let oud all of the truth.. ((:

you want to play dirty, i can too.. thads all i can say.. and yes, things might change but please for the better people? im doing this for my passion and i want my passion to go as far with you guys around.. my destiny lies in your hands.. -__-"
very Yoda from Star Wars.. LOL!

to end my post, let me present you the pic of the day.. LOL! org jakun who used a China Phone as webcam.. -__-"
as you can see, there's FaceBook at the background! =DD

i still love all of you no matter whad..

Pink Dollar$ Crew

2009-04-27T18:25:00.002+08:00

From left:

Maliq, Hamzah Fabolous , Kimmie, Mell, Mazie & Syamsinator

friendship.. does it matter to you?

2009-04-27T10:41:00.002+08:00

i got the news yesterday.. sorry but i can no longer hide my feelings.. honestly, it sucked big time and it's more than 24hrs.. -__-"
but damn thad was a pinch.. i guess thad wasn't a pinch at all.. it's more of a roundhouse kick to the face.. one question, whad did i ever do to deserve this? honesty is the best policy but you never did open up to me.. i can't help thinking thad this is all about our passion, dancing.. -__-"

tell me about it.. the reason is all about thad.. why can't we just separate them into different categories and lead on with our normal life.. friends.. love.. passion.. can't we just do thad, once? in my eyes, this has gone too far.. before, tried to keep me away just bcos' of some competition.. now, totally diss me off? shucks.. people can really go thad far.. i guess keeping quiet was never the medicine at all.. ((:

i still consider you as one of my best friend whadever the matter is, thads why i still keep in touch with you.. i'm sorry i can't do this no more.. let's make this the last of everything.. after i made this up to everyone, i'm totally done with you.. please, don't test the calm waters..
thank you..

and again, i love everyone..

currently..

2009-04-26T10:07:00.002+08:00

previously, Pink Dollar$ Crew had a photoshoot outing all around Orchard Road.. it was on the 25th April 2009 and thad was the day when i had the most hectic day ever.. the photoshoot went really well, dressed up very well too with Alif for our photographer.. ((:
pictures will be uploaded soon and i will post it up as soon as possible.. and i can't believe im dressed up like thad at Orchard in the very early morning of the day.. and damn do we look gorgeous! =DD

after thad shoot, me, alif and mazlan went to the Singapore Botanic Gardens to celebrate ain's advance b'day surprise.. well her b'day was on a Monday so we'd better celebrate it during the weekends.. kudos to KS especially dada, ogy, fie and zu for planning it.. it was the most craziest party ever! ((:
we did alot of running till' it was like about 2100hrs.. LOL! and the game is called Ice-Man a.k.a Ice 'n' Water.. i know, we're very kiddy but hey at least we had loads of fun down there and to those who didn't attend, you guys just wasted the fun there.. ((:

and the day ended with a movie, Jangan Tegur with qie, ayu, fie, syahril, mazlan, ain and zu.. and dawning at Yishun with fawrahh, ain, fie, syahril and mazlan.. and now here i am, listening to Maybe over and over again like a fool.. nopes not really fool but a fool-to-be.. -__-"

relying on my most best fantasy to happen in a matter of time.. so do you really think thad curses on me would work? i don't think so cos' i've never been tired of trying.. maybe a psycho on the loose but i don't do stalking.. -__-"
i give it straight up and not beating around the bush.. acceptance or rejection is another thing.. but i'd rather deal it for myself.. is it really about the title? or is it just embarassment thad they'd to face later on? im not sure.. maybe i'm not into answering thad question..

acceptance or rejection.. it's coming in a minute or two.. accepting the fact and cry it all oud might be the best idea.. LOL! either or actually.. so i wouldn't mind.. it's just like losing something so precious and you don't care about it but you do, in the dark.. -__-"
get it? im sure you would.. as for the other party, it's very hard.. if only i'm Professor X.. it's kind of cool but it's also called cheating.. ((:
cheating in both your life and your purpose.. if only it all comes to one conclusion.. a neverending happy ending.. wouldn't it be so much better like thad? *singing to So Much Betta -Janet Jackson
i've been loving you since the jurassic times.. -__-"
would just be happy if you acknowledge it with sincerity from the heart.. ((:

i would like to share something about for both my star sign and my chinese zodiac.. observed by Hamzah Fabolous.. ((:

being a snake, who is by nature a cautious and secretive animal. and to make things more difficult, i'm a pisces which makes me indecisive and slack.. thus as a snake pisces, it makes it even more difficult for me to convince myself thad someone or something is worth my committed effort cos' i am an extremely careful person who will take my time to decide on something important..

and i declare thad, true..

i still love all of you.. ((:

Jay Sean ft. Vex - Maybe

2009-04-26T09:45:00.004+08:00

[Verse 1:]
Beep Beep! oh look now there goes my phone
And once again I'm just hoping it's a text from you..hmm..
It ain't right read ya messages twice, thrice
Four times a night its true
Everyday I patiently wait
Feeling like a fool but I do, anyway
Nothing can feel as sweet and as real
As knowing I wasn't waiting in vain..

[Chorus:]
Maybe its true I'm caught up on you
Maybe there's a chance that your stuck on me too
Maybe I'm wrong
It's all in my head
Maybe We're Awaiting Words We Both Hadn't Said

[Verse 2:]
I'm always connected online
Hooked on Facebook all the time
Hoping you've Checked my profile
Just can't help wondering why,
You play it cool but,
see I'm hopelessly falling for you,
Every night on the phone and I flirt with you,
and I know that you like it girl
All joking aside,
What say you and I
Come out and say what we're trying to hide..

[Chorus:]
Maybe its true I'm caught up on you
Maybe there's a chance that your stuck on me too
Maybe I'm wrong
It's all in my head
Maybe We're Awaiting Words We Both Hadn't Said

[Bridge:]
Like I really want you,
I think I need you,
Baby I miss you,
I'm thinking of you [x2]

[Guitar Solo]

[Chorus:]
Maybe its true (OH)
I'm caught up on you (maybe, yeah)
Maybe there's a chance that your stuck on me too (Stuck on me too)
Maybe I'm wrong (Hey baby, yeah..)
It's all in my head.. (OH NO)
Maybe We're Awaiting Words We Both Hadn't Said (both haven't said)
Maybe Its True I'm Caught Up On You
Maybe There's A Chance that You're Stuck On Me Too
Maybe I'm Wrong, It's All In My Head
Maybe We're Awaiting Words We Both Hadn't Said

[Outro]
Maybe it's true..(Baby I Miss You)
I'm caught up on you (Look I Want You)
Maybe I am wrong Baby I miss you...

please stop..

2009-04-19T20:57:00.002+08:00

i know how relentlessly you guys tried.. but here i am, trying to repeat the things thad i hate to repeat about.. im not into any of this anymore.. please stop all those pleading and 'unintentional' plannings.. i've had enough of all this and i've got my objective straight.. no detouring to any kind of means and this got to stop, forever.. excuse me, but im the one facing this and this could turn ugly.. and im not resorting to any of those sort.. -__-"

i know can't get over and whadever all your reasons are but if you can do it once, you can do it again.. trust me.. -__-"
it's not helping i know but thad's the fact.. accept it.. and it's not a choice.. stop making me feel guilty in anyways cos' none of thad are working seriously.. i got myself into this but im sure im capable of bringing myself out of it.. it's a tough job but im sure of myself.. ((:
none of this are going to distract me from whadever im doing but hey listen to me.. im way beyond torn right here.. and please stop expecting for things to be the way it was.. it's not going your ways anymore.. yeah heartbreaker, bitch, say all you want about me.. but thads not going to stop me from whad i am.. a strong bitch where things will always go my way.. ((:

please stop okeh..

and to any 3rd party.. if your purpose is to help, im so appreciating any of thad.. but if you're there to pass me messages and saying to settle things between us and you don't want to get involve, then dont.. you'll just be defeating your own purpose.. you want to help, but you don't want to get involve.. very contradicting but i understand.. trying to be the middle person but you don't want to get involve.. one word, STUPID.. dont want to get involve, then stop talking about me and stop sending messages.. bottomline, stop being such a two-faced motherfucka..

i still love all of you..

the day has been great..

2009-04-15T00:59:00.003+08:00

i actually went to the Singapore Science Centre earlier today.. after years of missing thad place, i finally stepped there again at the age of 20.. -__-"
yes knowing me, i would be jakun as usual.. going here and there with no sense of direction and touches everything in sight.. imagine a small kid knowing nothing and just running around, aimlessly.. thads how i reacted to the Singapore Science Centre.. =DDD

when we're there, i was amazed by the display of the giant T-Rex outside McDonalds.. i used to fancy them alot.. dinosaurs and ancients species you know.. and to my another surprise, the Sea Monster movie is up in the OmniTheater! it's all about Jurassic times of sea creatures! -__-"
don't give me thad face.. at times, i need to be a kid and learn about almost everything.. seriously, i was fascinated by all of thad.. and my most favourite display, the man-made tornado display.. =DDD
yes thad was my all-time favourite.. shut up to any of you who gasps at my kiddy-ness..

it's like turning back time.. i love going back there again.. and now, to the OmniTheater! =DD

we had alot of talking time session.. just purely talk and played some games to entertain ourselves after the trip.. it was a hell of a good time with KS there.. too bad Alif can't be there cos' he was locked inside the house.. ((:
we will do this again, next month.. and next stop, Singapore Zoological Gardens! =DDDD

im not sure whad you're up to.. all i can is thad, i missed those times when you weren't a Liar and an Egoistic bastard.. thads all and nothing much.. all i want us to be friends but we can never share the same views right? Taurus and Pisces.. never can work together and you're so proud of thad.. ((:
amazingly, i do remember every single thing.. im done with the making up thing.. it has been going on for such a long time! do you even know how long thad i don't want you already? or you're still trying your luck? i can't be the same anymore and i chose not to.. FOR MY OWN SAKE! -__-"

please help me for both of our sake.. i can never fulfill your needs anymore and i chose not to, again.. i've had enough and which part of enough don't you understand? stop threatening me with my weakness and just accept the fact thad you've lost me already, Big Time.. it will never be done when you're done messing up my life.. and then later, you will blame me for messing up yours.. twisting my words and actions is your forté.. please.. )):

and again, iloveyou all again and again..

snap yourself back to reality..

2009-04-13T19:36:00.002+08:00

don't ever feel like i belong to you anymore.. cos' reality check, i'm never yours already.. so whether any of my 'chapters' are successful or not, it's none of your business anyways.. so butt out and stop bothering me.. bottomline, im not your partner anymore so stop.. -__-"

it's a wonder how easy i can get over things.. i know tell me about it.. NOT thad easy but as long as i don't get myself distracted by unnecessarry things.. thad is so redundant seriously.. pondering on things thad you'll never want.. it's just a waste of time and puhh-leasee, my personals are none of your concern.. ((:

dance has been great.. Pink Dollar$ Crew clinched 2nd for Groove In The West Dance competition.. video is up on the link to the right.. ((:
it was a tough competition.. La Fuse, Sushi, Freekzy Nutz and more.. but all did great.. ((:
even though some of it are last minute but we made it through thick and thin.. i know, very metaphorical.. -__-"
another experience, worth it's hardwork..

i slept for exactly 14hrs today.. and i really did 'membabikn diri' today.. i even took my own sweet time to finish up Breaking Dawn.. i have to slowly digest the feelings back into me and feel the story like how i did for the previous books.. ((:

and again, iloveyou all!

life..

2009-04-07T22:39:00.002+08:00

another mission accomplished.. with all my heart, i tried to enjoy and be entertain by the stories of Stephenie Meyer.. Twilight.. New Moon.. Eclipse.. they are all both amazing and mouth-watering stories about love and life.. tell me about it..

Started reading at 06th April, 0000hrs..
Finish reading at 07th April, 0545hrs..

yes im so crazy about it now.. i've moved on to Breaking Dawn now.. the very last episode of the saga available now.. yes Ewin now i know how Edward Cullen is.. but Robert Pattinson will never be hotter than Edward Cullen.. there's a difference okeh.. ((:
but kudos to Ms/Mdm Meyer.. she stirred up every of my emotions thads available in me.. from hate to jealousy to ecstatic and so on.. i can hyperventilate myself by just reading the things they do.. call me a freak, again.. =DDD

im sidetracking right now.. i slept over my 2nd sis place yesterday.. and i saw her sleep.. while i was on the computer playing games while reading.. i look into a face and i saw something.. something thad she wouldn't want to tell anyone.. she's been keeping to herself for quite sometime and yes, she survived through it.. ((:
life maybe difficult for her but she's eager to face them, alone.. her kids, especially.. i see thad right through them.. they have been living in a world of problems.. but she managed to get everything for them.. everything thad they needed..

i teared when i thought of it.. every tear made me realise.. i wanted to tell her thad she's not alone but i can't cos' i cant help her in anyways.. let's just call it GirlPower.. ((:
and i respect her for being who she is right now.. a woman, a strong woman.. but most of all, a mother.. i wouldn't have said responsible but she is a good mother.. =DDD

and to all my sisters out there, no matter how cruel you are and no matter how sickening you are, i love all of you to the core.. able to support both me and my mum.. not fully but look at the both of us, we're still breathing.. ((:

and yet again, iloveu all!

ps: im so looking forward for tomorrow! =DDDD

a dream..

2009-04-05T11:35:00.002+08:00

when i woke up this morning, i realised thad it was too good to be true.. i gave it for another thought and i guessed again, it's never to happen.. it is a dream.. my dream.. i'm trying real hard to decipher the meaning of my dream.. but to no avail, i dissappoint myself yet again.. ((:
it's not much of a good thing but at least it's worth the try.. the try thad is worth trying for the whole of my life.. -__-"

i smiled to myself.. looking at how stupid i was..no i didnt actually smile but i think i giggled.. okeh no but i think it's more of a laugh.. LOL! yes tell me about it.. and i thought i was crazy.. i was thankful to my mummy for waking me up or not, i would suffer in my dream, alone.. and to the another human out there, please stop trying? ((:
i had a big full stop in my decision so please stop trying to make me change my mind..

and still, iloveyou all..

im happy like a swan. -__-"

2009-04-05T01:23:00.002+08:00

call me a freak, again.. cos' seriously, i don't want to miss a thing.. and i didnt want to lapse my reading if not, it'll start to not interest me.. well at least Edward Cullen still there to motivate me.. ((:

Started reading at 02nd April, 1730hrs..
Finish reading at 04th April, 1330hrs..

tell me about it.. the story got my adrenaline rush going and it made me want to read more of it.. it's kinda scary for people to see me in this state.. it's like a in-my-own-world state.. you get it right? well some people were easy to catch up on me.. LOL! -__-"
i have to keep on reading.. till' it's the end of the book.. and so now, i need Eclipse and then Breaking Dawn.. i'm going to collect it from Ekaa later today and make sure i start reading on the spot.. thinking of it just made me go crazy by the minute!

Eclipse here i come! =DDD

yes im happy.. one thing for sure, Edward's been visiting me.. *dream on
secondly, __ got me back.. WAIT! let me explain.. for the very 1st time in my whole life, __ actually texted me asking How Am I.. i know it's nothing to some people but hey, it's something to me.. in my whole 11years with ___, __ asked me thad question out of the blue.. ((:

i don't want to live in denial.. but i guess it's worth the chance.. one last very chance.. for my 11years crush to happen.. no wait, i think it's 12years instead.. -__-"
i don't want to make it so direct so i decided to take it slow.. or maybe i could scare the shit out of ___. and to be honest, i'm scared myself.. it's like the urge to be with a vampire, thads how it exactly felt like.. -__-"
shut up ain..

i'd like to let things happen on their own.. and i don't want to know if __'s just using me.. i said, IF.. anything can happen and even if i know it won't happen, i'm willing to give it a one more go.. just give me this chance to let go of myself and prove.. give me time.. i will make do of it very carefully.. how fast can things happen and how fast can things react, the feel for me to be in your arms burns brightly like fire.. did i just said something metaphoric? -__-"

there i go.. losing myself again.. i need to keep it straight! for my kind to exist in this world, its just absurd cos' i've been getting all the wrong things.. why not for once, i get the right things for now and make do with it with everything i can.. i'm ready to sacrifice anything.. okeh not really but compromising is the keyword here.. ((:

and again, iloveu all!

ps: sorry fie and ain.. )):

i had alot of fun!

2009-04-03T01:11:00.003+08:00

yeah tell me about it.. an all KS outing, how rare is thad to happen nowadays.. with both Alif and Amir around, it's just as happening as ever.. it was a simple outing, just catching up on stuffs and drinking Hot Chocolate from McCafe.. the usuals i shall say.. and more to come! ((:
i felt really nice having all of us together again.. it's a blessing to have them all around me.. they made me feel so safe and secured.. and im proud to say thad we will be sticking together as per normal and i'm treasuring every minute of it.. ((:

to make matters way exciting for me, i got my New Moon! you people won't know how ecstatic i am.. seriously you guys should have seen my face when i retrieve the book from Alif. =DDD
like i said, call me a freak and i don't care.. the name was all over my face.. EDWARD CULLEN. EDWARD CULLEN. EDWARD CULLEN. -__-"
and the other photos are in my FaceBook.. tag yourself there and comment anything about those pictures.. =DDD

iloveyou all!

call me a freak, i don't care..

2009-04-01T11:08:00.003+08:00

tell me about it.. it's either i'm obsessed with the book or i just love fantasising with the book.. i literally drowned myself in the book 24-7..

Started reading at 31st March 2009, 1230hrs..
Finish reading at 1st April 2009, 0430hrs..

it's my record so far right now.. i can't believed how fast i can read thad book.. and now i can't wait to read the next sequel, New Moon.. it's unbelievable how the author actually described Edward Cullen's features, action and even to the way he moved around.. call me a freak cos' i literally fell in love with him in the book.. -__-"

i can't believe thad an author could create such mouth watering character despite his dark side thad everyone should fear.. sadly, it's just a character in a book.. no point people looking like him in the movies cos' honestly, thads not the point.. -__-"
the point which i'm saying is, how i'd wish thad such character would be in real life.. TSKK! reality check, none will be like thad.. -__-"

it would be a miracle if one could be like thad.. such character, tell me about it.. OOOH! thinking of it just gave me goosebumps.. i'll surrender myself to the likes of him, appearing at the very corner of my room.. oh wtff! ((:

NEW MOON! here i come!

it's been long time..

2009-03-31T01:45:00.003+08:00

i know, tell me about it.. it seemed ages since i've updated this thing.. and hey, i've changed the blogskin and added afew stuffs.. kinda cool huh.. ((:
im not saying thad alot happened but i think, alot happened.. -__-"
okeh before i get down to updating all those things, i just want to congratulate myself for being so strong.. *thank you.. thank you..
for the very 1st time, i resist so hard and i did it.. ((:

been doing alot of dancing these days.. with Just By Luck to be exact.. the group which consists of Fir, Ling, Mas, Ryna, Shahrul and Me.. we did quite a number of performance for Street Clap.. and we did the same performance over and over again.. =DDD
okeh not all of them are the same but we did change afew here and there.. last minute back out and stuffs like thad do happened you know.. ((:

and our virgin competition was Urban FloorMix organised by Yu Hua CC.. it's a small competition but it was a good start, i guess.. you guys think so? LOL! the video is up on YouTube and do check it oud on the right.. ((:
like some people say, its a shame we didnt get any position.. but in our hearts, we are winners.. and we keep moving on and not dwell on the past.. thad last sentence was sarcastic.. HAH! =DD
it was a crazy 3 days for me.. like seriously.. to add way crazier, Pink Dollar$ called me back last minute to substitute Hamzah for Groove In The West..

its cos' he was in an accident and i have to replace him for thad particular competition.. and i practiced the piece a night before the competition.. i know, tell me about it.. but it was okeh and we did finish up everything thad night itself.. and i had a good rest at home for the rest of the night.. and yes, Pink Dollar$ got through fo the Semi Finals.. =DDD
oh yes and 1 more thing.. i think im cursed for the song Church.. for both Funkamania and Groove In The West, i've always cocked up the last part.. -__-"
okeh not going into details.. ((:

i've been doing fine.. all these days, even though how bad the situation is, i keep telling myself these are all bullshits.. and i'm strong enough to go through bullshits.. not literally BullShits but understand understood.. -__-"
emotional pressures are always there but i did overcome them.. and lastly again, me no slut/whore.. ((:

CHARRR MAYYY AHHHH!
=DDD

ps: get well soon Hamzah..
psps: to people who thinks im on to fame, im sorry but i don't ditch my crew thad easily.. ((:

tell me about it..

2009-03-15T17:53:00.002+08:00

yes, i owe an explanation to all the people oud there.. especially to my friends.. can i just let it on hold for now? i'm so not ready for all this to happen right now.. all these things happened coincidentally. it just happened and obviously, there's a reason behind everything.. but soon, they will all be uncovered.. pretttyyy pleaseee.. * with puppy eyes

one thing i must say.. thad is whad you call being faithful? you said a different thing in front of me but you said a different thing behind my back.. and worse, you tried to slut way in which sadly yo say again, again.. -__-"
isn't one enough for you? or you just can't find peace cos' noone fucked you? i'm sorry but i can't help it seriously.. such people deserve to be killed, by my own hands.. boddo.. -__-"

it's just by the matter of time.. when everything will be revealed in everyone eyes.. and slowly, things will change to how it was suppose to be.. people hate and people hold grudges.. but most of all, all these don't last.. for how much hard you tried to hold on to them, they will still be broken no matter whad.. forgive but never forget.. thads my principle.. maybe it's different for some others.. ((:

somethings are just meant to let go.. like forever.. my decisions are final and noone have the right to question me about it.. well, some people do.. -__-"
aiyaaaa.. i don't care lah knnccb.. =P

i'll love you more in time..

i'm never coming back, don't worry..

2009-03-09T21:21:00.002+08:00

i learnt a new word today.. delusional.. HAHA! i know whad it is but i kinda forget whad it means, thads all.. i just want to make clear of things and stuffs.. first things first..

just to make it clear, it's never me who wanted you back.. you sounded so delusional (chehhchehhh!) in your post.. i mean very.. whad to do.. well you know me, not thad well but at least you got a rough idea.. i don't freaking care..

yes people tell me whad you did but hey, your the other half told me it was true.. how? so you still blaming me and other people for whad you did is wrong? everything is already proven so whad else do you have to say for yourself? you expect people to forgive you so fast.. one kiss and i forget everything.. oh fuck it's never been thad way..

well i got to go..
me steam kering after whadever thad happened, oh never.. you know whad i'm talking about..

early in the morning..

2009-03-07T07:20:00.003+08:00

i'm replying my tag to dear bloghopper.. ((:

babe, i really do appreciate if you would put down your name.. cos' you gave me such good advice and i should know who are you.. i'm not denying whadever you're saying though cos' everything is true.. ((:

thank you so much for the pointers.. i will see whad i can do for myself.. ((:

and yes.. i'm not ready to tell anything right now.. even the smallest detail cos' i know it's hard to accept.. i will tell once the time is right, and don't worry.. nothing can stop me.. ((:
let's just for once, i do this on my own.. and see whad's going to happen next..

YOU SUCK!
=D

do you understand them?

2009-03-06T18:42:00.002+08:00

had a long talk.. a very long talk.. from relationship, to friends and to personals.. every individual have their own perception which you can't change.. the only thing you might want to know is, whether or not these people understood you.. cos' from my point of view, you can't judge anyone out of their looks.. yes i did thad once or twice but hey, they proved me wrong man.. ((:
you might never know whad's in for you.. it's either you accept thad as a reality or just make it as 1 of your judgement.. and judgements may be wrong.. so think about it..

it's quite a pity whereby some people are so shallow.. it is and i am pitying them.. and whad hurts me most is thad they've spreading stories about me when they hardly know me.. and sadly to say, they used to be my own friends.. *shrugss
only one big question mark on my head, whad did i ever do to any of you to the extent where you make stories about me? did i ever stole your boyfriend/girlfriend? did i ever owe you money? or worst.. did i owe you my life? -__-"
they have this disease called I-CAN'T-MIND-MY-OWN-BUSINESS sickness.. symptoms includes spreading false news, judging people out of their deeds, you just felt thad you hate them and you'll feel sucky not talking about them.. -__-"

or is it you don't have any friends to talk about anything? i pity all of you man.. the more all of you do thad, the stronger i'll become.. don't any of you see thad coming? i guess not.. ((:
i can hardly say names but honestly, i don't have any respect for you guys anymore.. maybe as a dancer but not as a human being.. well whad makes you think thad you care right? one day, you will realise everything.. one day babe, one day.. ((:

the world is full of hypocrites.. sorry to say but yes it does.. i know how you'd wish thad the whole world is just made of, you.. you'll get sick and tired but you'll understand each other better.. it does comes to a point when you realise, i hardly know any of them but how come they are talking about me? thad's the question.. i may have this boring mindset like take-it-and-leave thing you know.. and whadever's going to happen, i don't care and just lead on with my life.. -__-"
you know like stop making problems and start going on with whadever you have, no complaints.. i'm not saying as if you can't complain but do it in front of each other but not to other people.. the usual thing i'm going to say, problem are still created by us men.. not gender wise but human wise.. get thad.. ((:
obviously you can't blame a cat for the feud you had with your family right? -__-"

you decide people.. im not thad extraordinary in these kind of things but i have my own ways.. my own ways to handle things and my own ways to juggle them.. like he said, noone is perfect and thad includes me.. everyone will have their plus and minus.. and he liked me the way i am but not for who i'm not.. i've been trying so hard.. tried so hard till' i'd rather be honest with anyone else except for myself.. me no desperate and me no any intentions.. -__-"
but i'd adored you but not for who you are now.. and i'm not feeling this like how it should be cos' of my own personal feelings thad i've poured oud to you.. maybe somethings you tell me, it's TMI but somehow i think, it's better for me to know.. ((:
i know very confusing..

conclusion, i let time decide.. neither i'm forcing nor i'm being force.. i need to heal these wounds before i get myself into another trouble.. for now, let's just say i'll handle these things on my own.. ((:
and about who thad person was, there's not a need for any of you to know.. cos' it's not important and don't worry.. i'll keep all of you updated, soon.. fie and ain.. please be patience with me.. ((:

changed the song due to Beyoncé's voice..
and she's so OMG..
((:

it's never my intention.. *random

2009-03-02T14:46:00.003+08:00

i know ryna has been waiting for me to come late for practice.. so just she could get bubble tea from me.. can you just like get it from fir or something.. -__-"
later i'll give you cash and you buy it yourself.. very lazy.. ((:

and yes im still in my sleeping mood people.. but i'd just feel the need to blog.. about whad, i'm not sure seriously.. maybe it'll just comeby and i'll just type it oud.. wait............. i think it's coming........... -__-"

thank you ain! i can really save up my cash.. she bought my necessity which i think, there's not a need for me to buy anymore.. nopes it's not the stylus.. =D
i'll use it when there's a need alright.. it's nice so don't jump to conclusion just b'cos of something, she bought it for me.. you know, i know.. ala-ala vogue lah gitukk.. ((:
wait........ i think i need to get thad Puma thing.. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! okeh i have to resist, for now..

oh yes! i dreamnt i was driving already! -__-"
hey i've been studying my FTT like crazy okeh.. i'm just waiting for the time for me to absorb everything and take thad freaking test.. i will and i must drive my dream car before my NS time comes.. i know how desperate it sounded but i have to! farah left me so far thad i have to catch up with her on my own.. MAYBE! i could take the test with you-know-who! =D
shuddup farah..

whad goes around, come around.. true? i'm not going back and neither i am trying to get back.. all i need is the facts thad i asked from you.. you don't have to feel as if you're ruining something so special.. i am never thad special anws, in my opinion.. ((:
so i asked for helped and i'm glad thad you're helping.. it doesn't end my happiness but it makes me feel way better.. i'm talking facts here people.. well even sometimes i felt as if it's a crime thad i've committed but still.. i got over it.. i'm semi-perfectly fine.. ((:

you toy around with me, don't be surprise if i've been toying you all this while..
accept the fact, you're no good at this..
farewell..
((:

my surprises! ((:

2009-03-01T21:49:00.002+08:00

21st February 2009

it was suppose to be only amel's (my niece) birthday celebration.. we had a nice pit held at my sister's condo.. each and everyone of my family members were there.. all but my dad obviously cos' he would prefer just a small kenduri at home.. i invited a small group of friends to enjoy the foods and stuffs.. well cut to the chase, seriously.. they took oud 2 cakes which to my surprise, one of them is mine.. i wasn't expecting thad to happen though so my sisters were like, "Do you know thad one of the cake is yours?". -__-"

i'm like awww thads so sweet! and the 3 of them presented me with the CKin2U perfume, which i wanted so badly since i don't know when.. and to my stupidity, i didn't even see thad coming.. very LOL i know but thads the sweetest thing ever! credits to my family and my friends for being there, coincidentally.. LOL!

and lastly, not to forget the sabo-ing session which started by my bro-in-law.. THANKS ALOT!

25th February 2009

it was a last minute thing to enjoy at JB.. which ain, randomly planned out of nowhere.. well, i solely think thad it's just to ease my mind from all the thinking i've done for the previous days and hours.. went there with dada, ogy, syahril and ain.. went for a lil' bit window shopping and ain bought some stuffs for herself.. and a very unusually big bag.. =D
as usual, we had some heavy lunch and went karaok-ing.. and there they go, asking me to book a room 1st with syahril while they went somewhere else to get somethings.. -__-"

while was singing halfway with syahril, there ogy, dada and ain came in with a slice of cake from Secret Recipe.. HAHAHA! and again, i didnt expect thad to happen.. and the cake was superb! should really trust Secret Recipe from now on.. and ain presented me with new and colourful stylus! LOL! i needed thad badly cos' i've been playing my Nintendo DS with satay sticks.. -__-"
i sounded very kesian right? i know how stupid i look while playing thad so due to thad, i rarely play it.. but it's back in action, again!

and thad was my best day of the week.. i thought though.. =D

26th February 2009

it is the day i officially turn by the age of 20.. i was so shagged and tired of anything else thad i decided not to do anything but practice.. i was late for practice, as usual and i decide to take my time walking to rp.. while i was walking with the headphones on, i realise either i'm being followed or i'm following someone.. -__-"
so i decided to look around for anything or anyone familiar.. okeh it's suppose to be anyone actually.. so i saw this 2 very familiar girls right in front of me and wondered whether i'd saw them somewhere..

and yes they were my 2 beautiful girls from the old school.. farah and ewin.. -__-"
and i gave them a shock of their life.. and they went like, "We were just talking about you mell.. And we are suppose to surprise you today!".. i know how stupid it sounded but yes they said thad.. and they actually bought a cake for me! so went for practice at RP to meet the rest.. ryna, fir, ling and friend.. LOL! practice abit and rested awhile to cut the cake.. =D

was about to cut the cake, ryna and ling brought oud another small strawberry cake.. HAHAHAHA! thads so cute seriously.. ryna actually promised me thad i will enjoy my day which i did obviously.. ((:
and thanks to everyone who wished me and as usually, Is is the 1st person to wish at 1209hrs.. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! =D

28th February 2009

thanks to mas, i got to know about this surprise.. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

i will blog about this later.. cos' im so lazy to remember the details now.. when i feel like detailing, i will blog about it.. -__-"
pictures will be oud soon! =D

i love all of you lah..
HAHAHAHA!

it takes time..

2009-02-28T16:42:00.002+08:00

you know when you've reached the peak when you're so lazy to entertain anything at all.. you feel like giving up totally.. *no, i still need to get him

whadever the other party trying to do, you'll just melayankn.. thads in malay.. how to say it in english, im not sure.. im sorry but i just woke up frm my sleep.. -__-"
this is so not me.. im sorry i think some alien just took over my body.. and all this are blogged by it.. whadever lorr boddo..

im sorry but i've missed you..

badly but fuck you..

haiss..

nothing i can do to fate..

2009-02-27T08:41:00.002+08:00

well.. truth hurts which leads to sorrow and again, leading to depression.. and apparently, mine stopped at sorrow which is a good thing though.. it's faster for me to recover back.. cos' yes people i know.. it's not even worth it.. i cried b'cos sadly, some people don't like seeing me with you.. i guess karma's acting right now.. oh whadever..

cos' you'd rather keep a slut than a bitch.. which sadly to say, you're still not over the slut.. who forced you to move on but don't hesitate to go back.. weird but yes it is happening.. let me count how many times you guys slept together behind my back..

recounting..............

on our 1st month..
days before v. day..
eve of v. day..
bla bla bla..
bla bla bla..
bla bla bla..
and even on my birthday..

seriously, it's uncountable.. i would like to type oud all the occasions but seriously, it's not worth it.. sadly to say again, i've just realise.. you liked to see things on your own perspective which really, doesn't make any sense at all.. i even showed you a picture and withoud any guilty conscience, you think whad you said was a reason.. let me remind you, it wasn't babe.. ((:
it was pieces of my heart falling off.. well, i tried to pick them up slowly and mend it myself cos' all you said was, sorry.. and you think thad was enough.. *haissss

you think sorry was all the word could save this thing.. let me be honest.. no it doesn't.. i saw things which i'm not suppose to see.. i felt things which i'm not suppose to feel.. remember whad you told me about not to change? i didn't but you did.. all i want to know is, why the fcuk do you have to go to this extent? you blamed me for my past mistakes cos' i couldn't make up my mind.. but when i did, this is how you repay? so you take this opportunity to act your revenge on me? you should have said so earlier so i wouldn't be falling for you thad fast.. seems thad i know next to you is not where i belong.. accepting the fact..

i can be the slut but it's a freaking risk.. and i know my thinking is not as shallow as thad slut.. i got myself involved with you.. so i better get myself oud, nice and smoothly.. no i don't cry for sympathy and i don't beg to be sympathise.. i can find my own way home.. thank you..

sorry for the silent prayers a.k.a cries..
i will keep them to myself next time..
and the company was great..
((:

good for nothing..

2009-02-25T03:55:00.002+08:00

wawan you dare tag my blog.. and i will surely, screw you upside down.. no you don't have to tag my blog cos' why? you yourself knew thad you're in deep shit.. anyone got a problem with thad, i welcome you to come and approach me.. don't hesitate puhh-leaseee.. cos' i'm waiting for the right moment for things to happen.. on it's own.. ((:

yes Mr. Syazwan i've got a problem with you.. there's not a need for me to go anonymous on him cos' it's too obvious already.. i'm sorry if i'm being sucha bitch to post your name down here.. you made a mistake, you better own yourself up.. it's either you come clean or i'll hunt you down.. choose wisely if you love yourself thad very much.. you tried to swim the calmed waters but you'll never know whad's in for you.. the thing is you swim, i don't mind.. you swim again, i still don't mind.. but you just have to shout for help and made everything in chaos, which sadly to say, FOR BLOODY NOTHING.. *i don't understand whad i'm trying to say

basically, you tried to test me.. tested me for my patience and etc. well sadly to say again, im oud of it.. so you still want to test? go ahead boy but don't shout for help.. you put yourself in this shit so you jolly well realise the consequences soon before i tell you.. try to at least think of your actions.. so you thought i wouldn't know? even the first time you did it, i already knew about it way before you tell me..

you choose, MONEY OR LIFE! -__-"

i blame you..

2009-02-24T03:22:00.002+08:00

strawberry HL milk, boosts.. made my night so fat and yummy.. -__-"
tried to keep my head from other things thad happen earlier on.. which i seriously think, not by coincidence.. and again, the expected happened.. im smart.. very smart.. not to praise myself but it's true right Farah? so maybe i hunched about someone not being virgin, i think it's true.. =D

it's not so me to be putting myself in this kind of situation man.. i think i just chose my path wrongly.. quoted by dear Farah, "Mell. You gotta stop going back to your ex'es. __ put you through hell once and there __ goes again". which is kinda true, yes? or maybe i should stop arguing and start listening.. Ayeen would agree to this.. -__-"

but im still standing strong on my own 2 feet.. thanks to anyone who's there with me.. yeaps somehow i managed myself.. emotionless bastard.. thads the name i gave myself.. i was suppose to be crying but instead, i was laughing and enjoying myself.. sick isn't it? 0_0
to fuck with facts.. anyone want facts? fuck yourself in the ass and thads your facts.. kanina be chao chi bai! sorry, not so good with chinese.. and there goes, im angry..

if i ever see you outside.. no, you..not you but you.. seriously, im going to give you a piece of me and am not being hesitant about it.. even if you have your friends around.. i've had enough of your shits to be honest.. if ever, EVER you made the wrong move which sadly to say, AGAIN, pray for your life man.. i don't care if i'm alone cos' i know i'm capable of doing it.. did i just talk craps again? i think i just did.. -__-"

kudos to ryna, anonymous, fir and farah.. and not forgetting mas on the phone.. thanks alot guys..

iloveyou, still..

Mariah Carey - Through The Rain

let's bitch like there's no tomorrow..

2009-02-20T04:48:00.000+08:00

hello to all the people in the world.. especially to the kind little souls who have kind hearts.. cos' i think it's really time for me to be kind.. or am i not suppose to? -___-"
cos' these things seems like it's been going on for quite sometime and to be honest, im fed up with all of it.. and i mean all of it.. and i really mean it.. fuck your freaking facts man cos' neither of them are true.. how i know? i got my freaking ways so you freaking mind your own business..

let me explain something right now.. yes i'm a changed person indeed.. i am not denying the fact thad i've change but i am denying the fact thad i'm using someone for my own benefits.. WAHH SIAOO BIG WORDS MAN YOU USED! i'm being bold cos' of whad i am right now.. let me explain in details my dear..

i am holding on strong..
i am neither broken for whadever people's saying..
i am being true to myself..
i am not going to let go, even how hard anyone try to break our tie..

not because i have the best dancer.. not because i had a little achievement which i know, i am not capable of doing alone.. and thad's for sure.. people making assumptions, making ridiculous facts just to make them fit into the story.. but in the end, they're at lose cos' whadever their doing are just bullshits.. ((:
these bullshits are not worth to be bothered with.. and honestly, noone ever want to believe it.. cos' why my babies? cos' people, i've heard both sides of the story.. which is why i felt like punching anyone in the face or any part of the body right now.. knowing the other side of the story, is way painful then to hear your own mummy's nagging.. -___-"

all i need is opinions from friends for how i should act next.. whad i need to know.. whad i need to do.. i don't just do things withoud any valid reasons.. well thad depends actually.. HAHAHA! but this is crucial man.. i'm not able to act on my own and neither do i want to make problems way complicated than it is already.. so i confide with some friends whom i trusted so much.. whether or not their close with me, i know their trustworthy.. see.. im using a big word here..

TRUSTWORTHY..

huge uhh.. -__-"

i don't go around and tell people whad im feeling.. well other than my blog.. -__-"
the inside details are still with me.. until i think there's a need for me to confide in someone, then i do.. just like whad i did, last 3 days i suppose.. it was really a heart to heart chat.. no wrong.. a keyboard to keyboard chat.. -__-"
i was all relieved.. i was surprised thad i didn't know quite alot of things.. well not thad surprised cos' i don't really give a fuck about them.. but for me to know about thad, really angered me so bad.. now i know who i can point my finger to.. now i know who to blame.. instead of me being pitiful in everyone eyes, why not i do something about it myself.. true? ((:
it took quite alot of courage to confront my own fears.. my own emotions.. and i did it.. i did it bcos' of you, love.. wait no mushy-mushy! haven't finish bitching yet.. ((:

seriously, these are all minors to even care about.. cos' i don't even care about it.. -__-"
you want to flirt? go.. you want to talk? go.. but a single finger on my partner, next you'll see yourself hanging in a big banyan tree, naked with open sores and red ants crawling around you.. thad you can be pitiful about.. *giggless
and to my partner, but thad doesn't mean you can do anything you want.. im very serious right now.. anything to me but none to anyone oud there.. *i hate this part here -__-"

puhhh-leaseee people change! change for the sake of yourself.. don't do it for anyone else but yourself.. don't be an arrogant freak.. don't think you're all thad cos' noone will ever want to know.. when will all of this stop.. i don't have clue but i hope, soon..

and baby.. all i need you to know now is thad, iloveyou so much.. yes it does takes time for me to loveyou way deeper and i can assure you, the time's coming.. remember how you looked me in the eyes and talked to me about yourself? about your feelings.. i have nothing else to offer to you except for my love and concern for you.. *don't you think it's too much 'you'?
you true, i true.. you lie, i die.. HAHAHAHA! wtff.. and i really need to go..

peacenlove people.. *copyrighted by Fie

im going to overcome it strong and hard.

2009-02-15T17:39:00.001+08:00

it's been awhile since i've been home.. for so long.. interacting with the family really helped to bond ourselves tighter.. fun and laughter is always there.. yes i can't deny im a homeboy.. -__-"
i would prefer to sit at home seriously.. and waste my time here.. if only i had my own house, which will come in afew years time, it'll just be me, mum, bf and friends.. thad's so cool! =D

okeh back to where i'm suppose to be.. i have such wild imaginations.. i have such wild hunches.. which will lead to even more misunderstanding.. LOL! very the me.. -__-"
but it's true right whadever i imagined? whadever i thought it would be.. it's always true.. well at times i do make mistakes but i do review them.. it has been always people who made problems way complicated.. why can't we just stick to something we have and go with it normally.. some people.. it's either their selfish or just plain ignorant.. * sheeshhhhhh

well maybe i seem to not be doing my job but i got my ways.. you don't have to teach me nor do you have to substitute my place.. if you really have to do thad, why not come over to my motherfucking face and tell me in front of everyone.. and i'll make sure i will not disturb the both of you no more.. but as for now, im still in charge here, if you don't realise.. ((:
i saw whad i had to see.. i felt whad i had to feel.. even if it's not obvious.. i really think i can really be a mother.. -__-"

just tell me whad do the both of you want from me? okeh not really me but the both of us.. you tried so hard to make me see something i would never wanted to see.. but im never affected by whadever thads happening.. so whad's your purpose of everything you're doing then? i just want to know thad.. if you think thad by just saying it will convince me, sorry but you'll have to try harder.. im not at my peak yet.. please stop whadever you're doing now before it gets really nasty.. puhhh-leaseeee..

ANWS, valentine's day was not as grand but it was memorable indeed.. besides the fact i cried in the dark.. -__-"
nopes not bcos of my ex date but due to my current date.. but nothing to worry about.. i've told you.. it's just in my head.. as usual, celebrated with the usuals.. it went really crazy as usual.. with those drunkards.. HAHA! with ain, andreas n fie.. it's just plain fun and crazy.. and i don't know whad's his motive of being there though.. -__-"

iloveyou..
thads all i have to say..

disgusting losers..

2009-02-11T00:58:00.003+08:00

like finally.. i got the truth oud by myself.. thanks to a friend.. ((:
i appreciate it alot.. suspicions will always be suspicions.. but nonetheless, they are also being identified as the 'DISGUSTING LOSERS'.. and trying to break up a relationship, is so not my type, puhh-leaseee! you want to know whad he/she said? i shall tell ALL OF YOU.. ((:

Text Received
Date: 08th February 2009
Time: 0718hrs 16secs..
HP No: 91265672

start of text........

Mael nie t_ _ _. I need to clarify something with you. Its too critical that i have to go around and ask ppl for ur no. I hope u dun mind. Aniwae, i wanna ask are u still with m_ _ _ _ _? The reason y i ask u tis is bcos recently and just now he msg me something like i love you and i miss u and kinda shit. N i check with w_ _ _ _ if he received the same and he said yes. And for valentine day he asked me out. But i knw this is just another game of his. I dun wanna be enemies or rivals with u but if u realised he's been doing tis to us since last time. I knw him too well. N history is repeating itself again. I just nd a favour frm u. Ask him to stop all this. He have never change. And also pls watch ur back mael. Dun let him play u arnd. It happened bfore right? Im sorie but hes just a desperate fucker. 5 years with him is enough. Dun go for him for his fame. Cos the fact is he got nothing. Dun get blinded by him. Anything u can get back to me aite. Sry to disturb u.

end of text........

yes people i typed it oud, EXACTLY like how thad person texted me.. i know very mat sanggup.. i don't have a clue for who this person is but im sure he/she is up to no good.. you try to destroy my life, i'll destroy yours.. i vaguely know the person but no use jumping to conclusion.. it'll just be another confusion.. -__-"

i'm sorry for jumping to conclusions.. i shouldn't have done it.. ):
and for thad, i deeply apologise to you.. you forgive me right?
iloveyou.
and with thad, marks the end of today's post..
((:

ps: it's not tapa who text me..

learnt..

2009-02-09T02:43:00.003+08:00

i have this thing called Routine Hunches. whenever i have this hunch about something, it'll either happen or it just happened. -__-"
whad the fuck i am talking about, i don't know. im not trying to say im psychic but i just have this strong gut feeling thad something is going to happen. good or bad, it will happen. routines in life. quote by my dear Ling. ((:

i texted your friend like whad you told me to. informing you wherever im going. and i know you're busy with the work you're doing and i don't want to be such a nuisance to you. i was at my sis place and you know i can't text oud. i waited for you. like whad you said, you will finish at 0400hrs. i waited till' 0500hrs and later. i never even receive a SINGLE text from you. imaginations ran wild. hunches started to go crazy. i know from the look of your eye when i left, there's something going to happen. and it's true. you'd rather text ILOVEYOU or IMISSYOU to someone else than your own partner. and thad's when i start to learn. learn to never love you again. whadever else thad happened, it's for me to know. you'll never learn baby. hais.....

like whad i've quoted everywhere, I STOLE YOUR EX BUT YOU STOLE MY PARTNER. it's something you should be ashamed about. now im talking about dignity. or maybe, you don't have any. whad to do. everything happened so fast even i ain't got anytime to blink. -___-"
i rest my case. cos' im not going to make a racket out of something so simple. just freaking, forget about everything. *sheesh
my love for you will cease.. all i need is time.. no tears, no emotions.. cos' i know im never meant to be by your side.. ((:

love.

Funkamania XIV Finals Video

2009-02-02T21:38:00.003+08:00

presenting :

Pink Dollar$

Champions Of Funkamania XIV

Mazlan aka Mazie

Awarded Best Male Dancer

Video-d by: Nash

Uploaded by: Filzy

everything have their firsts. ((:

2009-02-02T12:24:00.002+08:00

Funkamania XIV Finals has been a blast! Pink Dollar$ was crowned Champions in the Biggest Street Dance Competition in Singapore. ((:
and as said by Kimmie, this is the 1st time in Funkamania history, our people conquered the dancefloor. and for the very 1st time, i was in this kind of competition with the most respected dancers. ((:
and with thad, i was very honoured and im proud of myself. very speech-like eh. -__-"

it was a great experience. it was a great night. 31st January 2009. never will i forget a day like this with so much events happening at the same time. WOWW! seriously it was epicly fun! -__-"
and to my dear best friend, Andreas, you did well babe. WE ALL DID WELL! ((:
and thank you to my dear friends, whether you're there or not, supported me throughout this whole journey. OMG AM I GETTING EMOTIONAL?! O.O
and oh ya! not forgetting, 2 most unexpected people congratulate me. ((:
plastic or not, i dont care but most of all, the thought thad counts. and for thad, i thank you guys so much and congratulation too. =P

oh yes! i was talking about myself getting fat. no, not getting fat but already fat. and to my surprise, fairus said im getting thin. =D
isnt thad good news?! so im not going to worry about getting fat or eating alot. LOL! seriously, i've been neglecting my meals but when im really hungry, i'll go all oud. LOL! and after thad, stop eating. well abit of meat in me wouldnt kill. *feeling weight-conscious.

iloveyou, and you know thad.
and to understand me this bit (.), wouldnt kill. ((:
and so, i hope you do.
it's not thad i don't want to but i have to.

and i love my hair colour. -_____-"

FUNKAMANIA XIV FINALS

2009-01-31T14:05:00.004+08:00

today's the day when the judges determine the best group out of 8.
today's the day when the atmosphere is tensed up.
today's the day when competitors show no mercy.
today's the day when audiences know noone on stage, except for yourself and your group.

im going to give my all and overcome all odds. hope to outshine, in my own way (even if the rest are way better). wishing all groups, best of luck and do your best.
and to Pink Dollar$, let's run the stage like real DIVAS and show them whad we're made of. LOL!
it sounds funny. -__-"

WEEEEEEE!

randomisation.

2009-01-22T05:05:00.009+08:00

it's been ages since i've updated this thing. well mainly cos' i have nothing to blog about and when i have something, i will end up staring blankly at the monitor later on. -__-"
sheesh! there's loads of things thad i need to update. okeh not really but i still need to update.. LOL! -__-"

Funkamania XIV has been a great experience for me. it's not my stepping stone to fame but it's a stepping stone for my improvement. it's like wish came true! -__-"
seriously, im not kidding. how i wish if i could turn back time like way back. okeh not too far but to the mistake i did for these kind of things to happen. i don't care whad people want to say. as long as i got the opportunity, i grabbed it and i've nailed it. ((:
these are the details for finals. please contact me for tickets. and finally, support Pink Dollar$ Crew aka PDC. ((:

Saturday, 31st January 2009
2130hrs to 0300hrs
City Hall Front (along St Andrew’s road)

Tickets Details.

We are giving a 20% bulk rate discount and prices are as follows:

$12 ($15) (for passion card members - 1 card 1 ticket)
$16 ($20) + comes with 3year membership passion card worth $10 for free!
$28 (door sales)

underlined are actual prices if you don't order from me. LOL!

things has been going on smoothly for the both of us. well considering we've just got attached early this month and nothing (i hope) turn bad. only afew things thad affected me quite abit but not really. well im just being honest though. i am affected by it. sheesh. -__-"

i dont know whad you've been bad-mouthing about me but boy, you ain't got any chance. so whad if you have those kind of people by your sides? sorry to say this but you ain't got the brains. *shrugs
they may have believe you cos' why? you're way closer to them than me. im not making anyone to believe cos' i know they've got brains, unlike you. -__-"
we're not friends, im cool cos' i ain't losing anything. and i mean it. but if you feel like talking to me, anytime cos' i don't fight over this kind of things. ((:

and to the person named RAZI. i dont know whads your motive against me but i know who you are, vaguely though. but please if you want to be friends with me, you're welcome but if your intention is to come to me and comment about nothing thad concerns you like 'YOU GOT ALOT OF _ _ _S AROUND YOU UH', forget it seriously. -__-"
you think im a cheapo? and for your bloody information, i don't sell my ass to anyone. get thad straight. and if the name rings any bell to anyone, please do give me a beep. ((:
or maybe i should put in the number? hmm...........

been missing quite a number of people lately. im not going to list oud cos' i might missed some like how Fie did. HAHA! =P
how to know if MELL missed you? you will get this MELL-IS-MISSING-YOU aura from somewhere and MY FACE will be in your head. HAHA! i know thad will cause some major disasters out there. LOL! =D
well yes. i missed you people so much!

and to you.
im sorry for all the things i've said thad day.
yes drunkards always tell the truth but honestly baby.
you have to give me time to love you, wholely.
but whadever happens, you're the only 1 im loving now.
iloveyou. ((:

Pink Dollar$ in action!

2009-01-19T03:11:00.002+08:00

dancers involved (in alphabetical order):

Hakim (Kimmie)

Hamzah (Amzah)

Ismael (Mell)

Maliq (Kemboja)

Mazlan (Mazie)

Syamsul (Syam)

presenting

PINK DOLLAR$

((:

2009-01-16T18:19:00.002+08:00

im happy for so much reason today.

meeting ain n talking to fie on the phone.

it made such big difference.

and i so can't wait for tomorrow.

get to meet all the rest of them.

((:

i am the victim.

2009-01-12T10:38:00.002+08:00

everytime i wonder, why do i think so much. why do i wonder so much. why do i even care so much. this sense of insecurity is building up everytime i stepped oud of my doorstep. whad am i even scared of? thad's the very thing which made me and everyone else around me got so irritated about. come to think of it, i don't do shits to anyone. well ya abit, but still they deserve it. -_-"
and again, thad 3months theory still applies here. sheeshh. thad's so me. cracking my head up to find answer but it's just there right in front of me. oh forget it. i would never get to figure oud about myself, myself. get it? -_-"

maybe there's a reason to it. my own personal reason. cos' i've been doubting (read: some) people. and the more doubts i have, the more im feeling insecure. heyy i figured something oud myself! -_-"
well it's true though. i got their part of story. so thad eased my brain and heart a lil' bit. i just hope thad they will keep to their words and go on like this. cos' never in my life did i expect these kind of things to happen. which im happy and proud of myself for making people realise, for themselves. ((:

so far, 2009 has been a blessing for me. it's never been better with those people around me. never to forget whom i spend my countdown night with. only left oud afew. but met later during the day. and not to forget my forever beloved, DC. ((:
in these few days of 2009, ups and downs so far, has been manageable. but getting over 2008 is hard but memories...... will just be memories. (:
am looking forward to a brighter everyday. and fie's camp is right beside my place. *random
and suddenly, andreas, ain and wardah is in my head now. -_-"
and im reading back messages i've sent to love this morning. ((:
and im yearning for a long talk with DC. *please
and i really have to pump it it up this Saturday. *goshh
last sentence = STRESS LEVEL RISING BY THE MIN. -_-"

iloveyouall.

to care or not to care.

2009-01-08T12:01:00.003+08:00

first and foremost, people dislike you. and obviously, i am not the reason for thad. you should have realise it from the day you ditched us. not only you did bastard someone, which i totally don't give a fucking damn but ditching the rest of us? i would never forget thad. ((:
by now you should've known how we would react to these kind of things. and mind you, people still do care about you. whether or not they dislike you. cos' why? find it oud for your freaking self.

immatured mind? self-centered personality? lack of creative thinking? sheesh. all those which describes you the best. never would i want to talk to you again. nopes im not being childish but you deserve whad you've got. but im always proud of myself for being able to stand on my own 2 feet and im not ashamed to say this. i still do care for you. ((:
i think i've said enough on this part.

have you ever thought thad someone would change so drastically. well to be honest, i didn't until you came and showed me whad you've got. indeed, i was very surprise. i thought i was being insecure about you but it's proven, im not suppose to. there are still, bits and pieces for you to improve on. you know whad im talking about. ((:
today's the day i officially said, iloveyou. it means alot to you and so it does to me.

yeah people take back their words in a blink of an eye. and so do how people change. im not surprise if people were change their mindset about me for this small things. but who cares right? ((:
these people don't deserve to call themselves, friends. i shouldn't have think about it. i shouldn't have even have a slight thought about it. FIE: mael, don't think. ((:
let me be the bitch for once. not giving in for anyone, anyone at all. no matter how petty it is, no matter how you touched my soft-spot. some people just won't stop. sheeshhh! -_-"

just give me one final chance for me to get to know you.
and im giving you this one final chance to love me.
if it's not working, then im sorry.
but i just hope, it'll work. ((: